Decisions

So glad Christine is here! It gets lonely sitting in this hospital room by myself and having family near is nice. Family right now seems so very important and vital to good mental health. I can see why Mom always said she would do anything for her kids. She loves us so much. I hope all of us can find some good memories and fill a few pages either here or in the book I will eventually get written about Mom.

Today Christine and I were standing by her bed talking and in walked Dr. Chan. Mom is in a-fib so her heart is either racing at 90+ or down to 24. The nurse told us it went down to 17 when they moved her. It is pretty traumatic for her body to be moved and it causes her a lot of stress. Dr Chan says he wants some good news and he's not getting it. Her creatinine level is good but her BUN is not and they cannot figure out why (read more about the creatinine-to-BUN ratio here.) The only good news right now is her arm looks like it is healing well. They have it protected in a splint and wrapped in a foam box.
The feeding tube is down her throat so she leaves her mouth open to breathe and that makes her mouth very dry, which causes her tongue to swell and she has trouble talking. Dr C has to go to a conference in Vancouver for the next few days to learn about a new valve procedure so he won't be back til Wednesday. Our discussion centered around how much we can keep pushing Mom until it makes no sense to. He agreed to put back the DNR order so if her heart stops, there will be no heroic efforts, no CPR or anything to bring her back.

Essentially, we are at the crossroads and she is looking pretty poor. Christine says it is like watching waves in the ocean - she is up and down. Last night she was talking briefly and this morning she looked great. This afternoon she looks bad. But that is how this seems to go with her - we all know what a fighter Mom is!

And so we told Dr. Chan that when he gets back from his meeting, we will make the decision then based on how she is doing. He feels pretty bad that she has come to this; I think he really likes her.  If there is no improvement by this time next week, we will release Mom to hospice care. We have peace with the decision even though it will be hard to let Mom go, but we do not want her suffering.

Think about how much Mom has overcome; let that be her legacy. She has fought the good fight. She has overcome so much in her life! This is a message for all of us. Don't let what happens to you determine how you live your life. Live like God is on your side; that is her gift to all of us.

And if she improves over the next few days - well what can we say but THAT'S OUR MOM!!