Great Weekend

We had sunshine on Saturday and rain on Sunday here in Miami and so we spent our first day of the weekend at the beach. It was in the upper 70s and the water was about the same temperature so it felt quite refreshing to us at first. But after getting used to it, it felt great. We went to South Beach otherwise known as SoBe here and the beaches are broad - we think they paved it and put sand on top because it doesn't feel like a normal beach. We saw lots of planes flying over us with their advertising banners trailing behind and big cruise ships setting out to sea. All that added to the overt commercialization of what has become SoBe. I find this city to be a big hustle place; it is so fast paced and everyone is in a hurry to get somewhere. It's not my kind of place to live albeit great to visit in January!

I thought a lot about Mom all day since it was her birthday. I puzzled over why she would leave such a nice climate to head north into ice and snow. But then she hated living down here. Some folks describe the summer time as a bug-infested swamp and that's probably how she felt about living here. This time of year is not so bad but I imagine in the summer, the mosquitoes and gnats and crawly creatures are unbelieveable.

We got lots of rays and started to turn pink so we left the beach in search of refreshment. We found all the restaurants along Ocean Dr. are out to sway you with their people handing out advertising postcards. But they don't just hand it to you, they try to coerce you to come into their particular establishment with cheap drinks and then the food is way overpriced. You have to walk through all these restaurants because the tables are on either side of the sidewalk and so you are walking what amounts to inside each of the restaurants. We meandered along this walk for about twenty restaurants that all began to look like one another after awhile, except for the different colored umbrellas over their tables so we turned back to where we had started. We found a nice spot on the upstairs deck at Wet Willie's where we had a couple of drinks overlooking the entrance to the beach area. I could see kids playing volleyball in the sand and watched a policeman engage with several folks who looked like they'd already had more than their share of the cheap drinks along the restaurant walk. We met some stupid guys from Massachusetts who had just flown into town. Not our types so we paid our bill and headed back out to the beach. Kelly made a sand angel and we both went back in the water for a last swim of the day. We watched some more cruise ships sail out to sea and took pictures of people with their cameras. As the sun set, we both agreed we'd felt like we had been on vacation all day.

We woke up Sunday to dark clouds and forecast of rain so we headed out to Lincoln Road Mall which is an outside mall. We stopped for coffee but I got a fresh squeezed OJ and then we walked the mall twice and had a late breakfast of poached eggs on a portabella mushroom with slices of tomato and aspargus spears - the tomatoes here are like from our garden! And the OJ is like nothing else in the world - so delicious! The center of the mall has lots of palm trees - really high ones. It is a gathering spot for wild parrots. It's unreal to see tons of green birds flitting from tree to tree. Pretty neat.

Overall, it was a nice relaxing Weekend. Had to get back to work today. I cannot believe tomorrow is my last day here! I will not enjoy the return to the cold 30s!!!

Fabulous Miami

I would tell anyone who hates the cold to come to south Florida during the winter months! It is especially beautiful to experience palm trees and blue skies and 77 degrees when you know back home there is ice, rain or snow and cold temperatures. I landed in Ft Lauderdale Tuesday and it was a balmy day and we drove from the airport to her store in Boca -- Nordstrom is upscale and fits right in with the lifestyle there. It is exciting to watch Kelly in action. She really knows her job and has great social skills - I'm so proud to be her mom.

We were at the gas station when I got a call from Pam. Those of you who were at my house after Mom passed away may remember her; she took Penny in after she ran into her and caused Mom to fall. Well, Pam told me that her dog Isis is fighting a lot because Pam is getting closer to Penny and she's jealous. So she asked if I would take Penny back. Would I?!! Absolutely!! So as soon a I get home, I'll bring my pup back home. I am so happy.

Tomorrow would have been Mom's 89th birthday and it makes me sad to think she did not get to finish the things she wanted to do. But, our lives are divinely measured and we never know the date we are to leave the earth. I still find myself surprised that Mom is gone and many times have wanted to tell her about something I see or think and I can't. I suppose that will stay with me a long time because I spent 57 years on this earth and she was always here. I'll miss her til the day I die.

But I'm not stuck in the grief. I'm moving on and my joie de vivre is returning being in the sunny state of Florida. Don't be surprised if I decide to move here. Mom may have hated it here, but I love the sunshine and the blue skies, the palm trees and ocean breezes. So far, I haven't seen any bugs but it is winter so maybe they are in hiding ;-) LOL I went for a walk to Starbucks this morning and it was quite warm but I'm not complaining! It is beautiful in Coral Gables which was one of the first planned communities in the country back in the 20s! The streets are broad; there are stately Mediterranean homes, Banyan trees, and tropical foliage that is in bloom even in January. Most of the houses are stucco with red-tiled roofs and painted tan or cream and everything ties together so lovely. She really has the best view on the top floor of a high rise condo building and only a few blocks from the Miracle Mile, which is the restaurant and shopping district.

We are taking off for the weekend to hit the beach. Hoping it doesn't rain - but even if it does, I'm happy to be here. It really has been good to get out of town even though I am working. I feel happier than I've felt in a very long time. Keep warm my yankee family!

Why posts have slowed down

Well, life is moving on. I had a nice weekend - my neighbors got together and had a dinner in memory of Mom. There were seven of us total and it was really very nice. They lit a candle in the center of the table in memory of Mom. It brought a tear to my eyes. We all held hands to say grace and by then I was really tearing up! Dinner was great - homemade potato salad which Mom would have loved! Baked ham and chicken, beans and side veges of brussel sprouts and a dish of green beans and carrots. For desert, home baked apple pie with vanilla bean ice cream. All around a dinner that was delicious and very good company. We talked lots about Mom and her last days. It felt like the start of the healing process for me personally.
I have had a recurring dream for the last five nights and decided to investigate what it is all about. I am walking with Patti and Christine climbing up a hill in a city. Not sure what city, but we get to a church with a carved, wooden door. The church appears to be old and all the pews inside are carved in the most beautiful design. The alter has a huge stained glass window. And what's really funny is there is a big video screen instead of the altar and the minister is sitting up front watching the video. I am fuzzy on what is on the screen but he doesn't even see us when we walk in. So I looked up a dream interpretation in my favorite dream site and it is usually spot on when I look up my dreams.

• To dream that you are inside a church suggests that you are seeking for spiritual enlightenment and guidance. You are looking to be uplifted in some way. .... the dream may also mean that you are questioning and debating your life path and where it is leading. You are reevaluating what you want to do.

Now that is amazing! I am essentially in that spot in life! Looking to be uplifted, evaluating what I want to do next, re-inventing myself, creating a life I want for the next chapter. Things feel a little empty right now with an empty house with no Mom, no hubby, no kids. But I won't stay on my pity pot about it. I am running (or attempting to!!) and the exercise is good. Hoping to participate in a 10k with Kelly this spring.

I will figure things out and life will fill up again. Right now I am allowing the quiet to permeate my soul. I'm in the office now more and more - today because I was sort of forced into it when I woke to no internet service. I'll figure out what to do next and I'll blog about it. Get ready for some visits! I have lots of vacation days and really hoping this June will be our first annual family get together.

Some Pictures

I had never seen this photo til today. Mom and

her sister Margaret in Centerville, NH 1939

Amazing!

_________________

This is Mom at UNH in 1942.

Lee was her roommate and Nicky

was her boyfriend.

_________________

Here is Mom on 4th of July 1947 at Tahiti Beach, FL

That's Bob at 1 year old. Mom was 24.

_________________

This was also in Miami on the steps of our house in 1948

_________________

Here she is pregnant with Freddie so Bob was about 4 1/2.

_________________

This was taken at "The Tepfers" in Miami.

The back of the photo reads

Bobby - 4/12

Niels - 3 weeks

Mommy - 28 yrs

Taken in March 1951.

Did Mom name Freddy Niels? That was his middle name so I'm thinking maybe they started out calling him that to differeniate from my dad -- but I never knew!! Mom is about the same age in this shot as Kelly is now! What a smile!

_________________

A little later in time - 1955 probably in Walpole.

That's me in Mom's lap on the right.

On her right is Nana Magnuson and Bobby

behind her. Freddie and Grampa are blurred.

_________________

The back of this one reads: "Bobby took this picture of Mom."

_________________

Looks like Bob doesn't like this haircut much!

Looks like the yard at Aunt Helen's house in Bellingham.

_________________

This one makes me smile. The back reads: "More wash?"

Backyard in Miami.

_________________

Mom always seemed to be surrounded by kids. :)

Pete, Mom, Bobby & Herky

neighborhood kids in Miami

_________________

 

Mom always had the best legs.

She is helping Bobby out of the car circa 1947.

_________________

Here's Bobby and Daddy

at Aunt Helen's house in

Bellingham, MA

_________________

 

This is the home of Nana & Grampa Magnuson

(Hilda and Conrad)

Walpole, Massachusetts

_________________

In the back with Mom is Cousin Judy and Uncle Bob

In front Daddy, Bobby, Freddie Cousin Lee and Nana

_________________

"Happy New Year"

Cousins Judy & Bob

Judy - 5 yrs 9 mos

Bobby - 2 yrs 9 mos

_________________

This is such a cute shot of Freddie picking a mango in Miami.

_________________

I hope you have all enjoyed this walk down Memory Lane. There are LOTS of shots of Bobby being the first kid. But I love all these old photographs. Some are in pretty bad shape so I'm glad we have the technology today to digitize them and save them for posterity.  Lots of love in these pictures.

A Long Weekend

This is a 3-day weekend for us bankers. Mom found it humorous that both Chip and I ended up working at banks. Given I inherited her poor math acumen, it makes me laugh too.

So what am I doing with these three days? Glad you asked! The house is in total disarray so I am sorting and organizing pictures, books and files. It is a sunny day today but the thermometer has not left the 20s yet so hunkering down in the warmth. Later I am going over to Chip's and we will eat Mexican and listen to old records. He and Myrriah are ripping old vinyl albums to mp3 so that should be interesting. Tomorrow my neighors invited me to an afternoon get together. Ad then Chip, Myr and I are going to go to the new Mission Impossible movie. A couple of hours with Tom Cruise will definitely lift my spirits!

Yesterday I worked at the office and ran into a friend I used to work with. She is Swedish too and we lived very close when I owned my own home. She asked me if we were going to sue the hospital--seems that is the first question people ask.

So this morning I am trying to scan some of Mom's really old photos. Love that one you posted, Christine. I have lots of old photos and would like to get them up here. That is my next project besides going through books and photos and getting everything sorted out. I found my lease agreement yesterday and it doesn't end til end of May--ugh, moving in the heat. Blah!! Still not certain what I will do then. Giving the decision time....

Milestone

I contacted several of the newspapers that Mom had asked us to notify and every one of them charges. So I found a free site and put her obit out there. It will stay for ninety days and if anyone does a google search on her name, they will find it.

Today marks the first milestone - one week ago Mom passed. It still seems surreal. I keep expecting to hear her call my name. Usually in the evenings she would go to bed - really early around 7:30 and so I would keep the house quiet so she could sleep. I'd be upstairs reading or writing and hear her get up around 10 and go out to the kitchen and make a cup of tea and some toast. I'd go downstairs and we'd talk about a dream she had or something funny I had read or seen on tv or she would tell me a story she'd told me a dozen times before. She loved telling stories. Sometimes she would just sit at the table and cry. I'd try to leave her alone, give her some space. I think she really missed living her life. All her friends were dead or dying and she didn't have the social life she once did. She complained about getting old and being too tired for anything and really thought the surgery would benefit her. It did until she broke her hip and got the infection in her arm. Then things snowballed from there.

The weather has changed overnight. We're in the 20s and it's windy. I don't like the cold and darkness of winter. Kelly called me last night to say she was eating outdoors and it was in the 70s. Nice! Dreaming of my week in Miami now!  Just eleven more days until I'm in basking in sunshine and warmth. Maybe all those old folks who flock to the south in winter have a good idea there! Right now I have to make some coffee and see what this day holds at the office. Forcing myself to go in and work there today just to get out of the house for awhile.

Hope everyone has a good memory today.

A Poem for Grammy

The days have been quite different

With emotions that I feel.

I know you've left this earth

But somehow it doesn't seem real.

I sit looking at your pictures

Such life in your eyes.

Then the pain just seems to hit me

It takes me by surprise.

The memories flood my mind

Some sharp and some a haze.

Yet they come and go so quickly

During these past few days.

When I lost my tooth at your house

So scared the tooth fairy wouldn't know

And in the morning, with money inside,

a velvet bag underneath my pillow.

You'd let me play your organ

So loud and no real song.

Yet you'd dance around with a smile

And always sing along.

You comforted me and loved me

Always told me you were proud.

I wish I could talk to you

Once again hear your voice out loud.

I know you're in heaven now

A smile lights up your face.

You're dancing on streets of gold

The pain has been erased.

Pushing against society's constraints

So much of what I read about death and dying and grieving can be summed up with, "give yourself time." None of us has a timetable on tears. We all experienced a different relationship with Mom. We all had moments when she drove us insane. And if we put on our thinking caps, we can honestly say we drove her crazy too.

Like the time I had a birthday party and 495 was not complete yet. She wouldn't let us go beyond the first bridge. But I did. It was a warm and sunny evening, first day of summer, and my girlfriends and I wanted to be where the action was and the action was uptown. Not out in the sticks where we lived. Mom was furious with me because I deliberately disobeyed the rules. I pushed against authority and fought against the stringent - and what I thought at the time were stupid - boundaries she set. Like why couldn't I go to a high school dance. Or why couldn't I get my driver's license until I was 17 And any number of ways she tried to keep me close by her side when I was fighting to be free. But if I think about it, I became a teen only a couple of years after Freddie died. She did not want to lose another kid. That was the grief and her fear she was dealing with on top of menopause that was fast approaching. I was pushing against what she could handle in her grief of losing a son.

Our relationship took a big hit when I left John. She was so mad at me. I tried to explain that I felt as if I were drowning, smothered and I could not breathe. I knew I was losing myself, getting swallowed up and I had to come to terms with how I wanted to live, not how I was expected to live. It took a couple of years before we could talk about it. But over the course of her living here in Charlotte, we talked a lot about how we both went through divorce around the same time and for a lot of the same reasons and we both felt regret for how we handled things. Our similarities were a big part of why we clashed a lot.

She had a way of pushing against the constraints of society. Just the fact that she did not want us to have a funeral or a memorial service was her way of living life on her terms. I wonder if I have the guts to live the rest of my life like that. Society be damned, I'll do it my way! I'd like to think so.

Memories

Going through Mom's things is a long walk down Memory Lane looking at pictures and more pictures of family members I have not met and kids who are now grown with their own kids! My goodness, we have a large family!! I plan to sort these thousands of pictures into buckets of time - similar to how I want to organize her life story. This will be a major project that will last well into spring and perhaps beyond!

Yesterday we said goodbye to Pat & Bob and today I'll say goodbye to Kelly.I need to get away, gain a fresh perspective, walk on the beach, and take a break from being here in this house alone so I decided to work a week in Miami from 1/24 - 2/1 -- Mom's birthday is during that time and winter is gray and glooomy here in Charlote. Everywhere I go, I see places I took Mom. Simple things like going to the post office or grocery store were a major event for her. Every day I went to see her at the hospital I drove up Park Road and doing so now brings tears and sadness that I am not going to see her again. Yeah, I need to get away for a little bit. February weather is usually ok here and by end of Feb, spring weather will just start to arrive. By then, my spirit should be refreshed and my outlook less gloomy. Kelly and I decided to see a movie yesterday and we both like George Clooney so we went to see The Descendents, which was not such a good choice. We did not check the synopsis before buying our ticket and the story centered around how he was coping with his wife having a boating accident and lying in a coma in the hospital. Not conducive to uplifting the spirit after the last several weeks!

I promise my posts will get better. Right now I am just sad, but I know I will heal. The grief will pass. Each in our own way, we will process our memories and cherish the happy times with Mom/Grammy. We have to give ourselves a little time and allow ourselves to feel the emotions of loss and sadness. This lady was a huge influence on us and we've never known a day when she was not a part of our lives until now. So we are in an adjustment period and each of us will deal with this in our own way. My way is through writing and so I ask for your patience with my tears. They will abate in time and when we get together as a big family to celebrate her life, there will be lots of laughs!

We still want to have some kind of a formal thing to remember her. She did not want a wake, or a funeral or a memorial service at all! She was so adamant about it. So we'll have a party and call it a "Celebration of Her Life" or something like that where we can laugh and remember the funny things she did and said. We had planned her 90th birthday bash for June this year at Patti's place; perhaps we ought to keep that date on the calendar and all gather in remembrance. Hey, we might as a family decide to do it annually from then on. Post a comment about what you think about it.

Emotions and Tears, Laughter and Cheers

Cleaning out Mom's closet yesterday was pretty emotional. But Kelly took a car full of clothes and linens to Goodwill, so many will benefit from Mom's collections of towels, shoes and clothes. There are many, many pictures that I will begin to scan so all of us have some momentoes of her. I have not put her obituary in the papers because they charge big bucks!! So I posted it on Facebook.
http://www.facebook.com/notes/susan-magnuson-channell/my-moms-obituary/10150594427235985

If I sit too long and not write or talk, the tears begin to fall. I lost my mom but also a lifelong cheerleader. She always told me, "you can do it!" whenever I shared what my latest goal was. I want to remember her laughing. She did not do much laughing in her last year of life. I hope she is dancing and laughing and singing in Heaven.

I decided how I will organize her life story. The early years with Mama, teen years with Aunty, Florida years, farm life, traveling and moving. We all probably have stories we can share about those segments of her life. Just in the years since she came to Charlotte, she has moved five times! Hopefully by June, I will have a first draft or at least an outline of a story. I will do my best to capture on paper the essence of someone who was so vibrant and funny and emotional and real but I know I will fall short so be patient with me.

One of the last clear things Mom said to me in the hospital last week was, "I want to go home." I told her I wanted her to come home too. And she shook her head no. It just dawned on me this morning when I woke up that now she is home and that's what she was trying to tell me last week. She really was ready to go.

New chapter

This blog began as a way to capture time with Mom as she was going through her heart surgery journey. It turned into a diary of her last days. I have read through some of my posts and feel so sad that she was in so much pain there at the end. But I am glad that now she suffers no more.

This has been a weekend of laughter and memories with Christine, Pat and Bob, Kelly, Chip and Myrriah and David and Leanne. We have been looking at pictures (which I will scan) and old home movies - Mom was such a beautiful lady. She always had a smile whenever the camera was on her. I'm glad there are some snippets of when she was very young and we can see how vibrant she once was. All of us were a lot more thin back in those days!

I've thought about ending the blog but there are so many more memories to share that I think I will continue writing. Maybe change the title to Grammy @ 88 and start scanning old pictures and jot down some stories so our kids and grandkids will know who she was and how much she meant to us. And it can be a way we can rejoice for having such a good mom. I've got a couple of years of stuff in a journal and tons of stories I remember and I'm sure all of you do as well. I'll make sure this blog is open for all to post. We'll just continue it as long as we have material - 88 years is a long time to capture and Mom had quite a life!

Decisions

So glad Christine is here! It gets lonely sitting in this hospital room by myself and having family near is nice. Family right now seems so very important and vital to good mental health. I can see why Mom always said she would do anything for her kids. She loves us so much. I hope all of us can find some good memories and fill a few pages either here or in the book I will eventually get written about Mom.

Today Christine and I were standing by her bed talking and in walked Dr. Chan. Mom is in a-fib so her heart is either racing at 90+ or down to 24. The nurse told us it went down to 17 when they moved her. It is pretty traumatic for her body to be moved and it causes her a lot of stress. Dr Chan says he wants some good news and he's not getting it. Her creatinine level is good but her BUN is not and they cannot figure out why (read more about the creatinine-to-BUN ratio here.) The only good news right now is her arm looks like it is healing well. They have it protected in a splint and wrapped in a foam box.
The feeding tube is down her throat so she leaves her mouth open to breathe and that makes her mouth very dry, which causes her tongue to swell and she has trouble talking. Dr C has to go to a conference in Vancouver for the next few days to learn about a new valve procedure so he won't be back til Wednesday. Our discussion centered around how much we can keep pushing Mom until it makes no sense to. He agreed to put back the DNR order so if her heart stops, there will be no heroic efforts, no CPR or anything to bring her back.

Essentially, we are at the crossroads and she is looking pretty poor. Christine says it is like watching waves in the ocean - she is up and down. Last night she was talking briefly and this morning she looked great. This afternoon she looks bad. But that is how this seems to go with her - we all know what a fighter Mom is!

And so we told Dr. Chan that when he gets back from his meeting, we will make the decision then based on how she is doing. He feels pretty bad that she has come to this; I think he really likes her.  If there is no improvement by this time next week, we will release Mom to hospice care. We have peace with the decision even though it will be hard to let Mom go, but we do not want her suffering.

Think about how much Mom has overcome; let that be her legacy. She has fought the good fight. She has overcome so much in her life! This is a message for all of us. Don't let what happens to you determine how you live your life. Live like God is on your side; that is her gift to all of us.

And if she improves over the next few days - well what can we say but THAT'S OUR MOM!!

Wednesday's Wellbeing

 This is a happy day as my little grandson Leo turns 2 today! He is such a cutie pie (I am not partial right!). I wish I could be closer to him and visit more often. It's difficult being so far away and not having time to watch him grow. But I'm happy for facebook and vimeo and his daddy who makes fantastic videos!

Today I got up to the hospital around 8am and Mom looked bright and cheery. Stephanie, her CNA today was giving her a bath and massaging her. The occupational therapist came in and did some range of motion activity on her left hand and arm - touching it did not seem to bother her as much as recently except for her ring finger. We looked closely and that finger is quite bent and rigid so we assume it might be riddled with arthritis and the motion she was doing might hurt at any given time.

Dr Verville the infection doc was looking her over. He says her white blood cell count is high and appears she has a yeast infection. When he looked at her wound yesterday, he said that infection there looks like it is clearing up very nicely and new skin is growing. He looked her over thoroughly and so giving her antibiotics as it might be bladder or kidneys.

Her heart rate is solid - she converted last night when they put in the feeding tube. I told Pat on the phone yesterday it seems when she is traumatized she converts from the atrial fibulation. Go figure!

She is actually lucid and talking today - well, until they gave her some versed. She told me to come close as she wanted to tell me something. So I did and she said, "they lied to me." When I asked her who, she said the doctors. "They told me I would get better and I'm not." And I explained she was getting much better until she fell and broke her hip and got the infection in her arm. She nodded and then said but they still lied. I laughed and the nurse in the room laughed.

Since I am blogging each day, I have a story to share about my last two mornings. Yesterday I was putting away some storage tubs in my garage, which is not a simple task because the garage storage is like a loft. I have to climb a ladder and put the tubs up on the shelf above my head. So, I have done this many, many times putting away summer stuff, taking down Christmas decor, and finally putting away the Christmas things yesterday. All this time there has been a little can - about a pint-sized can of white enamel paint - sitting on the shelf. I've bumped it a few times, but yesterday I bumped it hard and it fell off the shelf and ended up hitting the ladder, the cover popped open and I now have a white floor in that corner of the garage. Paint was everywhere! I tried to clean it up and it ended up all down my arms, so then I had to go back to the kitchen and wash it off and paint got on the door handle, the floor into the kitchen, the faucet -- let me tell you THAT was not a great start to my day yesterday. But then today? Geesh, I was moving some boxes around in my home office, which I have been doing a lot of lately. Cleaning and rearranging and organizing - where did I get all this energy!! Must be the shake mixes I'm drinking twice a day. So anyway, there I was moving a box and it got jammed against a cabinet with a glass door - yup, you are thinking correctly. That door snapped off and fell on the hard laminate floor. It didn't just break, it shattered into a gazillion little pieces. I was in shock at first when I heard the glass breaking. Now I have to go home later and figure out how I will clean up that mess. And thinking to myself all morning, is this an indication of how 2012 will go?!! I hope not.

Matt her physical therapist is here working on her left leg and she is fairly under the versed but resisting the movements. He loves it because he says her muscles are firing and she needs to be using them. I'm feeling hopeful today - much more than yesterday. Even Dr. Alexander says he sees a difference in her today. She looks bright-eyed and her skin is pinker.

I am very excited my baby sister Christine is coming to Charlotte tonight. Cannot wait to see her and visit with her and see how Mom does when she is here. The wound nurse will come at 11 am and change the dressing. I like the idea that they give her some pain meds BEFORE they do the dressing change.

Tuesday is a sad, sad day

Got a call from Dr Alexander since I could not get uptown this morning waiting for internet technician.

Dr. A. is pretty concerned that Mom has lost her spark. I believe she has no more energy left in her to keep fighting. The pain in her arm is too much to bear and on top of not getting nourishment, she has nothing to fight with. I started thinking about her options. She is not responding, not swallowing well, lots of phlegm -

I did some research and these are signs the end is near for her.
http://www.caring.com/articles/signs-of-death

I pray she is comfortable as there is not much more they can do if her INR does not come down, Chip and I are going up to see her and talk to doctors this afternoon. I am guessing, but it may be too late for the peg if she has lost her will.

I will blog more later this evening after meeting with the doctors.

Monday Monday

Had a bit of a respite from going to the hospital. Ever since June last year when I sold my bedroom set, I have been searching and contemplating what to do with my bedroom. With a budget of only $500, there were not many choices. Ikea fit the budget but everything is particle board. I refuse to buy Sauder products because they fall apart when moving and I seem to move alot. And so I resorted to watching craigslist but I have to say people sell some weird furniture in there! Finally, last night I spotted just the right set of dressers and nightstands. And with help from Chip, two drives to Waxhaw (yup pronounced like it is spelled), I am now the proud owner of gently used Broyhill furniture. I spent a couple of hours taking clothes out of laundry baskets and organizing into drawers. What a difference in my bedroom! I can actually see what is in my closet now! HUGE thanks to Chip and I hope your back is better. And what is freaky, the guy I bought the furniture from uses one of Chip's websites. Charlotte is a small town!

We did go up to the hospital and Mom was propped up in the recliner looking out at the city. Her CNA Vickie is so good to her. Today was an outstanding day weather wise. Her arm is in a splint to protect it. She seemed spacey at times and it takes her a long time to speak a few words. Malnourished is what the nurse told us, so they were giving her FPP as well as a couple units of blood to lower her INR and some lasix to balance out her fluid retention. Really need to get that peg in so she can start healing - has to get nourishment but she is too weak to eat.

One nurse who works on the floor named Shanae came over to me as we were leaving and gave me a big hug and wished us a happy new year. She asked how you were doing, Pat. I told her about your excursion to the ER and she said, can't stay away from hospitals huh! She sends her best!

Hoping tomorrow will be a good day for Mom to get the peg and start getting some nourishment so she can heal faster. I ordered some medi-honey so when she is in rehab, I will use that on her arm. I truly believe it will do some good. She actuallly stood for 4 minutes today so with some food in her system, she should start healing a lot faster.

Over a month and she is still there. She did ask to speak to a minister. She wants to end her life. I know she is discouraged.... Say a prayer they can put that peg in and get her some nutients very soon!!!