It feels as if this hospital has become my second home with the many hours as I spend here. My spirit today is not on its natural high because I feel like Mom's not improving as quickly as she could be. I've been here so much that nearly everyone in the hospital recognizes me from the cafe workers to the nursing staff in other departments. Seems everyone but Mom :-( She asked me who I was when I walked in her room and who was that girl with the hat that was with me. Last night she was yelling about the pain in her head - mainly her skull bones on the left side, so I asked her nurse to order an MRI as she cannot even rest that side of her head on the pillow. No MRI done yet....it's Christmas Day so staff is very minimal.
As a bright spot of our Christmas day, we did get a chance to video chat with Christine's family although Mom was in and out of sleepiness. I cannot believe how much her kids are growing up so fast! It was short but fun to visit with them. Chip brought a nice ham dinner by her room and noticed Mom was in and out of reality. Later on after he left, she told me she knew and understood fully that I was tired caring for her and we had a short conversation - I should clarify that it was a reality-based conversation because many of our conversations are not based on what is real but on what she sees. She asked me if she needed a psychiatrist and I explained to her that I was worried because she sees people that are not there. She sees bugs, animals, little babies...then when I tell her they are not real, she gets angry with me. She seemed to grasp that and she said she cannot help what she sees so asked me if someone would come and evaluate her. I told her I'd look into it.
The nurse today was not completely pleasant but rarely was she even around so it did not really matter until it was time for her shift to end. Suddenly I could not get rid of her - I think she was doing some sort of 'catch-up' to ground the next shift in what Mom's needs were. I was agitated when she turned Mom's head really hard to the left - Mom has a lot of arthritis in the left side of her neck and rarely turns it to the left side. This nurse keep saying "she has a crick in her neck was all" and took her head and moved it hard to the left. Mom cried out in pain and I told never to do that again and was barely able to constrain my emotions - Mom has been through enough! She needs better care than to have someone cause her more pain!
I had made a statement that Mom's arm dressing had not been changed today and so she decided she would go ahead and do it, "but no one had told her to." Mom has a horrible, awful wound on her arm from where they harvested that vein. It looks so gross, I have been hesitant to post a picture of it but have been taking snapshots each day to track the progress of it. Something else for the attorney. Really though, I don't know if is getting better; I am hopeful it is improving but not 100% hopeful - it is gross. It causes her the most intense pain when they have to change the dressing and I literally cry each time because she nearly faints from the pain of it. I do not know if this arm will ever heal - it is horrible to look at and her arm always hurts. I asked for the wound care group to come and look at it - nurses have been treating it since the 19th using a spray that smells like bleach, a gel and then a special spongy dressing covering it with a gauze wrap. It does not appear to be improving fast enough and this is another complication we don't need.
I could get on my pity pot and write about how difficult this is for me. But then I go back into my memories and recall what Mom did for us when we were little kids. After my dad died, she worked three jobs and took care of us, never asking for a hand out from anyone including the government. She kept us together body and soul and I feel this is the least I can do. These are difficult days indeed, yet I am simply an observer. Mom is the one dealing with the pain of it all. Being the eternal optimist, I have to look for a silver lining in all this - it's hard to find it though. I am worried about her. Her mental health and her arm are my biggest concerns now.
She has gone through so much and she asks, how can they do this to someone? Indeed - how is right!
- How can a hospital allow a nurse to neglect her to a point that she falls and breaks her hip?
- How can they allow the skin to become so bad that she cannot stand the pain?
- How can they not treat her as a whole person with the dignity she deserves?
I think our medical industry today treats the thing vs. the human being. One group does physical therapy, another group treats the wound, another the heart, another her infections, another and another. They are focused on one part of the whole and she has to deal with all the parts. I seriously do not know how she can deal with much more. I pray for her healing and that next Christmas will be hugely better.
After my last post, I started reading voraciously about wound care and found that some doctors are starting to use medical honey or medihoney and so have requested Dr. Chan's office to investigate that. Anything, anything to help her with this painfully, raw wound!
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