Well, it was a busy, busy day for me. I put away Christmas decor - what little decorating I did anyway! But that gave me an excuse to clean like I haven't done in ages! Plus, it was such a gorgeous day, I decided to clean the garage. After all, there was no place to walk out there! I took a carload of stuff to Goodwill. Felt good to get it tackled! I rearranged furniture and every part of the house has been dusted and vacuumed. As a treat for such a big accomplishment, I went to Kirklands and got a couple of pretty things for the house. Mom will like the changes.
While I was out and about, got a call from Pat that Bob had slipped on the ice and dislocated his shoulder. Michael and Beth were in from Oregon and they were all supposed to drive up to Maine today - haven't heard if that was cancelled or not. Can't stay away from hospitals, eh Pat!
I actually did go up to the hospital and her nurse Lori was there. She said Mom had had a rough morning. The plastic surgeon and Dr Chan had been in to change her arm dressing - so painful that she had asked Lori to knock her out. They put a different type of ointment on it. So she was in the throes of dilaudin when I got there. They decided to stop the antibiotic because that was stressing her kidneys and her arm is not as infected. She has cold sores on her lips so they are using some special gel for that. Just too much for her to bear.
So here it is end of 2011. I feel a little wistful as it is my 25th anniversary and have no idea where my husband is. It's not like we have been married for years, but it does make me sad to reach this milestone alone. My marriage is long over so it is time to end it legally and get on with life. Another goal for 2012! I have set a few for myself so hoping this will be a better year than last.
I hope all of you keeping trrack of Mom's journey are safe, happy and blessed in the year ahead. And let's all try to keep away from hospitals this year! Have a Happy New Year!!
Saturday, December 31, 2011
Friday, December 30, 2011
Friday update
It has been a full month since we walked in the door at Presby Main. It angers me that we were so close to leaving and here we are. Her arm is in massive pain. Her hip is causing pain but not nearly as much as before the surgey. She is fearful of standing thinking she will fall again. Her mind is going – doctors call it hospital psychosis where her mind shuts off while her body heals. Last night she was lucid and we actually had a conversation about it and she said she was afraid she is losing her mind. Chip was here and we both explained it was temporary and she seemed to get it. She was so lucid! Then this morning she is chattering incomprehensibly and asking me where the baby is. "The baby should be walking." She is not eating and that feeds into her problems of not healing.
They want to insert the feeding tube, but cannot do the procedure until her blood thickens up.Her INR level is 2.34 which is too high and they will wait til next week. That just means her blood is still too thin from the Coumadin to do the surgery required to insert the peg. So they’ve stopped the Coumadin and will let her level rise naturally over the weekend and check it first of next week. They are also concerned about her kidneys and the renal doctors are coming in to consult.
Always something...
They want to insert the feeding tube, but cannot do the procedure until her blood thickens up.Her INR level is 2.34 which is too high and they will wait til next week. That just means her blood is still too thin from the Coumadin to do the surgery required to insert the peg. So they’ve stopped the Coumadin and will let her level rise naturally over the weekend and check it first of next week. They are also concerned about her kidneys and the renal doctors are coming in to consult.
Always something...
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Thursday's Troubles
Another day begins....
When I got here, Mom was sleeping so deeply it was hard to wake her up. Vickie, her CNA today, said she's been up and awake since 6:30 this morning. Buddy came in and he says she is retaining fluids and she's dehydrated. But then she's not eating. So they are going to give her some fluids today to get her hydrated, being careful not to push her kidneys into renal failure. Her INR is still too high to do the peg procedure and so we are in a balancing act at the moment. They are scheduling it for tomorrow afternoon and working to get her INR at the right level with some more FFP.
I have to admit I lost it today. That nurse that did not take care of Mom on Christmas day (who I thought was named Cheryl but it's Jennifer) was her nurse again today. She tried to lift Mom out of the bed by herself without getting help. I told her she needed assistance because normally it takes two people to lift Mom out of the bed. She simply ignored me. She picked Mom's arm up and that caused her to scream in a lot of pain. When I told her that Mom can lift her own arm, she ignored me on that count as well. Then she had the audacity to say she was trying to care for my mom and had to deal with me. I couldn't take it anymore!
I left the room and went to the desk to ask them to get another nurse. When I returned to Mom's room, she was still trying to get Mom out of bed and I asked her to leave the room. Buddy spoke to me and said it was part me and I said, you know I agree and take responsiblity that it might be a personality conflict more than anything. He says he's had twenty years with her and she is a good nurse. Be that as it may, I told him that I watched her with my mom over the holiday weekend and she just did not interact well with my mom and did very little in the way of nursing care that day. And my mom told me she was rough.
So I stand by my reaction - maybe I'm overtired and sick of being here, or maybe it's just her personality. But she acts like she's doing a job rather than caring for a person. So I won't retract my request for another nurse. As Mom's primary advocate here, I feel she needs more than someone simply doing a job. She's been here a long time not to be cared for in the best possible way. Too long thanks to this hospital and another nurse neglecting her duty!!
I am calm now. I got upset seeing someone acting less than careful with my mother. Mom is resting comfortably in her bed now. She had a little oatmeal and banana around 10am and she is just wiped out. She's talking in her sleep and I know she is exhausted and just cannot take anymore. I sorta feel the same way. I'm sick of this room. Sick of seeing her in pain. Sick of this hospital. I just want her well. I want her in rehab because she usually thrives when she is getting physical therapy.
And so it goes....
When I got here, Mom was sleeping so deeply it was hard to wake her up. Vickie, her CNA today, said she's been up and awake since 6:30 this morning. Buddy came in and he says she is retaining fluids and she's dehydrated. But then she's not eating. So they are going to give her some fluids today to get her hydrated, being careful not to push her kidneys into renal failure. Her INR is still too high to do the peg procedure and so we are in a balancing act at the moment. They are scheduling it for tomorrow afternoon and working to get her INR at the right level with some more FFP.
I have to admit I lost it today. That nurse that did not take care of Mom on Christmas day (who I thought was named Cheryl but it's Jennifer) was her nurse again today. She tried to lift Mom out of the bed by herself without getting help. I told her she needed assistance because normally it takes two people to lift Mom out of the bed. She simply ignored me. She picked Mom's arm up and that caused her to scream in a lot of pain. When I told her that Mom can lift her own arm, she ignored me on that count as well. Then she had the audacity to say she was trying to care for my mom and had to deal with me. I couldn't take it anymore!
I left the room and went to the desk to ask them to get another nurse. When I returned to Mom's room, she was still trying to get Mom out of bed and I asked her to leave the room. Buddy spoke to me and said it was part me and I said, you know I agree and take responsiblity that it might be a personality conflict more than anything. He says he's had twenty years with her and she is a good nurse. Be that as it may, I told him that I watched her with my mom over the holiday weekend and she just did not interact well with my mom and did very little in the way of nursing care that day. And my mom told me she was rough.
So I stand by my reaction - maybe I'm overtired and sick of being here, or maybe it's just her personality. But she acts like she's doing a job rather than caring for a person. So I won't retract my request for another nurse. As Mom's primary advocate here, I feel she needs more than someone simply doing a job. She's been here a long time not to be cared for in the best possible way. Too long thanks to this hospital and another nurse neglecting her duty!!
I am calm now. I got upset seeing someone acting less than careful with my mother. Mom is resting comfortably in her bed now. She had a little oatmeal and banana around 10am and she is just wiped out. She's talking in her sleep and I know she is exhausted and just cannot take anymore. I sorta feel the same way. I'm sick of this room. Sick of seeing her in pain. Sick of this hospital. I just want her well. I want her in rehab because she usually thrives when she is getting physical therapy.
And so it goes....
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Wednesday Wellness
Today began with a good bath and smiles. Mom actually looks a lot better this morning - the couple pints of blood seems to have done her good!! She's had a lot of attention this morning. PT brought in the whirlpool and spent awhile with her. It was tough hearing her screams so I had to leave. They decided it was too much for her and won't be back.
Dr. Alexander stopped in and gave her his pep talk. Then Bridget, another PA from Dr. Chan's office was in and looked at her arm when they had it uncovered for the whirlpool therapy.
They are discussing when is the best time to put in the feeding tube. If she continues like she's doing today, it might not be necessary. She ate about 1/2 cup of oatmeal and banana and that's probably the most she's eaten since she's been in here! I'm looking forward to lunch to see how she does. But her nutrition is behind the curve so more than likely they'll put in the tube to bring her up nutritionally to where she needs to be. Until her INR is down to where it should be, Bridget wrote an order for FFP - that's the fresh frozen plasma. She got that when she was up in the cardiac critical care unit and it was the thing that brought her back from the brink of death.
A couple of nurses from case management stopped in to discuss where she will go when she is released to rehab. When she said she would lose medicare benefits after 20 days, I made the statement that if she did, then the hospital should pick up the tab since it was on their watch that she broke her hip. The lady told me to talk to patient relations and let my thoughts be known as they have a system where that information gets processed. So many systems! When Mom goes down for the procedure for her feeding tube, I'll stop in and talk to them. Might get Chip to go with me for that visit as men seem to carry more weight around this place. Seems most doctors are male and it's obviously how the medical culture is. The male viewpoint seems to carry the most clout.
Mom is actually alert enough to ask us to straighten up the little cot I sit on. I use it like a sofa and it was covered in sheets and towels from her bath. So obviously her brain is back in gear today - but like they told me yesterday, each progression is forward and back in gear. But I have to keep in mind this is a long-term journey. She's not going to improve suddenly.
More later on when I have an idea of when they decide to insert the tube.
Dr. Alexander stopped in and gave her his pep talk. Then Bridget, another PA from Dr. Chan's office was in and looked at her arm when they had it uncovered for the whirlpool therapy.
They are discussing when is the best time to put in the feeding tube. If she continues like she's doing today, it might not be necessary. She ate about 1/2 cup of oatmeal and banana and that's probably the most she's eaten since she's been in here! I'm looking forward to lunch to see how she does. But her nutrition is behind the curve so more than likely they'll put in the tube to bring her up nutritionally to where she needs to be. Until her INR is down to where it should be, Bridget wrote an order for FFP - that's the fresh frozen plasma. She got that when she was up in the cardiac critical care unit and it was the thing that brought her back from the brink of death.
A couple of nurses from case management stopped in to discuss where she will go when she is released to rehab. When she said she would lose medicare benefits after 20 days, I made the statement that if she did, then the hospital should pick up the tab since it was on their watch that she broke her hip. The lady told me to talk to patient relations and let my thoughts be known as they have a system where that information gets processed. So many systems! When Mom goes down for the procedure for her feeding tube, I'll stop in and talk to them. Might get Chip to go with me for that visit as men seem to carry more weight around this place. Seems most doctors are male and it's obviously how the medical culture is. The male viewpoint seems to carry the most clout.
Mom is actually alert enough to ask us to straighten up the little cot I sit on. I use it like a sofa and it was covered in sheets and towels from her bath. So obviously her brain is back in gear today - but like they told me yesterday, each progression is forward and back in gear. But I have to keep in mind this is a long-term journey. She's not going to improve suddenly.
More later on when I have an idea of when they decide to insert the tube.
Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Tuesday - part dieux
Busy day for Mom! Lots of doctors and therapists working with her today - PT brought in a portable whirlpool and Mom was in terrible pain while they did the water therapy on her arm. They gave her about 10 minutes of the whirlpool action while she sat in the chair dangling her arm; a lot of the dead skin was sloughed off, leaving lots of young pink skin in its wake. It actually looked better after they did that than it has in a week!
Regular PT came by and got her on her feet, did some exercises with her. He gave me some ideas of things she can do while sitting in the chair to strengthen her hip. Mostly she is suffering fear that she will fall and so she tenses up and her muscles are very tight. But she is able to bear weight on the hip and walk in very small steps.
They wanted to cross match her blood to get her a couple of units of the FFP today but her PIC line wasn't working to let them draw, so they took her downstairs and got a new one put in. When we got back to her room, they drew blood and sent that down to the lab and so we are waiting for the bags of blood to come up.
Also, Dr. Chan came by - he told me he got my email about her arm and wanted to see it for himself. So of course the nurses had to unwrap the dressing and that causes her so much pain. At first he thought perhaps he might consult the plastic surgeons but after looking at it, he says it is just surface and it will heal. He feels right now there are two areas we need to focus on. Her mind is wacked out and that's from being here so long and so he wants to get her to rehab as soon as possible. A change of scenery, fewer interruptions at night, a sense of getting some control back into her life, physical therapy, etc. will all do wonders for her mind. But in order to get to that point of releasing her, he wants to build her up nutritionally. So he is all for putting in the peg to get her gut fed and get her bowels moving regularly again. She did actually have a small move today. Sorry for having to mention these things but it is a part of real life and Dr. Chan laughs about it. If you can pee and poop, you're alive!
So that is the status report for the day! She is taking a late afternoon nap and she's wiped out! It was a busy and hectic day for her. She is snoring like a bear and I feel we are going in the right direction at last. Barring any further complications and God willing, she's on the right track again.
Regular PT came by and got her on her feet, did some exercises with her. He gave me some ideas of things she can do while sitting in the chair to strengthen her hip. Mostly she is suffering fear that she will fall and so she tenses up and her muscles are very tight. But she is able to bear weight on the hip and walk in very small steps.
They wanted to cross match her blood to get her a couple of units of the FFP today but her PIC line wasn't working to let them draw, so they took her downstairs and got a new one put in. When we got back to her room, they drew blood and sent that down to the lab and so we are waiting for the bags of blood to come up.
Also, Dr. Chan came by - he told me he got my email about her arm and wanted to see it for himself. So of course the nurses had to unwrap the dressing and that causes her so much pain. At first he thought perhaps he might consult the plastic surgeons but after looking at it, he says it is just surface and it will heal. He feels right now there are two areas we need to focus on. Her mind is wacked out and that's from being here so long and so he wants to get her to rehab as soon as possible. A change of scenery, fewer interruptions at night, a sense of getting some control back into her life, physical therapy, etc. will all do wonders for her mind. But in order to get to that point of releasing her, he wants to build her up nutritionally. So he is all for putting in the peg to get her gut fed and get her bowels moving regularly again. She did actually have a small move today. Sorry for having to mention these things but it is a part of real life and Dr. Chan laughs about it. If you can pee and poop, you're alive!
So that is the status report for the day! She is taking a late afternoon nap and she's wiped out! It was a busy and hectic day for her. She is snoring like a bear and I feel we are going in the right direction at last. Barring any further complications and God willing, she's on the right track again.
Tuesday
Day 28
Got to the hospital safely this morning driving in the dark and pouring rain! Buddy Wentworth, a PA who works with Dr. Chan came in and we had a nice, long chat. He totally explained what is going on so that it is understandable to the lay person! Mom's slide into the foggy abyss is fairly common and temporary. He said the brain reacts like this when it is under stress. If the kidneys, the heart and the lungs and the hip and the arm are all under stress, then her brain swells and she has difficulty with her cognitive functions and it just shuts down. He says each day is a new day and this is going to be a long recovery so not to expect anything spectacular any time soon. Just pray no more complications arise.
Here is what today's course of action will be. Her blood is very thin so they are giving her 2 units of blood to get her stronger. They are taking her off the blood thinner too because they are very concerned about her nutrition being behind the curve and he's thinking about putting in a stomach tube - he calls it a peg. They put a light down her throat and shine it out from her belly and insert a peg, which they can use for feeding. She is getting IV nutrition but it is a lot slower process. A belly peg would give her more nutrition faster, but he hasn't talked to Dr. Chan about it. Buddy wants to know how Chan feels about doing it and whether Mom is up to another procedure. Plus, since she keeps having minor atrial fibrulation, they want to be sure no clotting occurs or a clot could go to the brain and cause a stroke. So that will take 4 to 5 days to determine what to do there.
Day by day they need to watch her kidney function, her hemoglobin, her heart, lungs, arm infection, etc. The whirlpool baths for her arm should start today and that will help tremendously to clean up the dead skin and they can start putting on the soothing gel to get her skin healing. But it will be stressful and probably cause some pain at first.
Each day is a progressive process, slowly and carefully caring for her to ensure she is stable, has no more complications. I did not ask him for a ballpark timeline but told him I'm hoping she will be back to her self by Valentine's Day and he says that sounds good to him. The brain will be the last part that heals so just expect her to be living in a fog for awhile. I heard her talking this morning about her bathroom needing cleaned, the kitchen is a mess, so maybe in her mind she is keeping house and that is what helps her maintain her sanity. Buddy told me to go home and sleep at night and take care of me. And I am even though I hate leaving her alone at night. She has night fears but I need my rest and have to leave her in the nurses' care throughout the night. I can do a little work here in her room so thankfully I have that kind of a job that goes with me.
If anything odd pops up, I'll post again later today. Off to work now!
Got to the hospital safely this morning driving in the dark and pouring rain! Buddy Wentworth, a PA who works with Dr. Chan came in and we had a nice, long chat. He totally explained what is going on so that it is understandable to the lay person! Mom's slide into the foggy abyss is fairly common and temporary. He said the brain reacts like this when it is under stress. If the kidneys, the heart and the lungs and the hip and the arm are all under stress, then her brain swells and she has difficulty with her cognitive functions and it just shuts down. He says each day is a new day and this is going to be a long recovery so not to expect anything spectacular any time soon. Just pray no more complications arise.
Here is what today's course of action will be. Her blood is very thin so they are giving her 2 units of blood to get her stronger. They are taking her off the blood thinner too because they are very concerned about her nutrition being behind the curve and he's thinking about putting in a stomach tube - he calls it a peg. They put a light down her throat and shine it out from her belly and insert a peg, which they can use for feeding. She is getting IV nutrition but it is a lot slower process. A belly peg would give her more nutrition faster, but he hasn't talked to Dr. Chan about it. Buddy wants to know how Chan feels about doing it and whether Mom is up to another procedure. Plus, since she keeps having minor atrial fibrulation, they want to be sure no clotting occurs or a clot could go to the brain and cause a stroke. So that will take 4 to 5 days to determine what to do there.
Day by day they need to watch her kidney function, her hemoglobin, her heart, lungs, arm infection, etc. The whirlpool baths for her arm should start today and that will help tremendously to clean up the dead skin and they can start putting on the soothing gel to get her skin healing. But it will be stressful and probably cause some pain at first.
Each day is a progressive process, slowly and carefully caring for her to ensure she is stable, has no more complications. I did not ask him for a ballpark timeline but told him I'm hoping she will be back to her self by Valentine's Day and he says that sounds good to him. The brain will be the last part that heals so just expect her to be living in a fog for awhile. I heard her talking this morning about her bathroom needing cleaned, the kitchen is a mess, so maybe in her mind she is keeping house and that is what helps her maintain her sanity. Buddy told me to go home and sleep at night and take care of me. And I am even though I hate leaving her alone at night. She has night fears but I need my rest and have to leave her in the nurses' care throughout the night. I can do a little work here in her room so thankfully I have that kind of a job that goes with me.
If anything odd pops up, I'll post again later today. Off to work now!
Monday, December 26, 2011
Monday, part 2
First thing Mom said when I walked into her room was, "i am living. Are you proud of me?" so I thought the day was off to a good start.
But from that point on, she has been in a semi-catatonic state. PT came by to see if they could help her up and walk, but it was a losing situation for them.
Finally, the wound-care nurse came by and cleaned up Mom's arm, showed me how the dead skin needs to be sloughed off. She decided to set her up with a daily whirlpool bath on the arm -- hmmm, something I asked for 4 days ago.
I have also asked them to get her a pysch evaluation and that should happen tomorrow.
She has not eaten today. Thankfully she is getting nutrition through the I V.
My fear is she is shutting down and creating a self-induced coma. If that happens it won't matter what we or the health care pro's do. It takes all of her reserve strength to survive the day.
But from that point on, she has been in a semi-catatonic state. PT came by to see if they could help her up and walk, but it was a losing situation for them.
Finally, the wound-care nurse came by and cleaned up Mom's arm, showed me how the dead skin needs to be sloughed off. She decided to set her up with a daily whirlpool bath on the arm -- hmmm, something I asked for 4 days ago.
I have also asked them to get her a pysch evaluation and that should happen tomorrow.
She has not eaten today. Thankfully she is getting nutrition through the I V.
My fear is she is shutting down and creating a self-induced coma. If that happens it won't matter what we or the health care pro's do. It takes all of her reserve strength to survive the day.
Busy Monday
It is really amazing the differences in care between weekends and week days in the hospital. Noticeably different! Yesterday at this time, the only people I saw were a nurse and her CNA. Today doctors, nurses, case manager, and physicians' assistant (or PA) have all been in to see Mom. I set a goal early this morning that I would get some traction on two levels - her mental acuity and her arm. So far so good....although if it were up to the old fart Dr Andrews, she'd get nothing. It is obvious he does not care whether she survives this. His body language and lack of attention speak volumes. Dr. Chan will be back tomorrow and I pray she will too. Her mind is all over the place, at times incoherent and sometimes almost catatonic.
Joe, Dr. C's PA has increased her dosage of antidepressant temporarily. I asked for a psych evaluation and her case manager says she is probably suffering from psychosis from being locked up in this room so long. Probably? No she is! She has hallucinations or delusions of people not there. She even knows they are delusions and asks if they will give her some help. Even in this state, she is aware she is not 'right' in her head.
Her case manager says she will need to go to a nursing home to recuperate as the cardiac rehab will be too much for her. Unless she starts eating and showing signs she wants to live, I have a sense with Andrews at the helm, they'd just shove her off to die. She was close to suicidal last night but this morning the first thing she said to me was she wants to live and look at her, she's living! And she even asked if I was proud of her for wanting to live.
As for her arm, the wound-care folks have yet to come by. I'll write up that visit in a separate post.
This is so difficult, very hard to watch a vibrant woman who walked into this hospital come to this. It is not good and I told them this place has damaged her. I'm laying it on the line. She was a vibrant and motivated person the night we had our family conference call. Today, I'm not sure where she is - somewhere inside herself. It could be her coping mechanism to deal with the pain. I don't know. This is an article I found that describes hospital psychosis and it fits perfectly with what Mom is experiencing.
Joe, Dr. C's PA has increased her dosage of antidepressant temporarily. I asked for a psych evaluation and her case manager says she is probably suffering from psychosis from being locked up in this room so long. Probably? No she is! She has hallucinations or delusions of people not there. She even knows they are delusions and asks if they will give her some help. Even in this state, she is aware she is not 'right' in her head.
Her case manager says she will need to go to a nursing home to recuperate as the cardiac rehab will be too much for her. Unless she starts eating and showing signs she wants to live, I have a sense with Andrews at the helm, they'd just shove her off to die. She was close to suicidal last night but this morning the first thing she said to me was she wants to live and look at her, she's living! And she even asked if I was proud of her for wanting to live.
As for her arm, the wound-care folks have yet to come by. I'll write up that visit in a separate post.
This is so difficult, very hard to watch a vibrant woman who walked into this hospital come to this. It is not good and I told them this place has damaged her. I'm laying it on the line. She was a vibrant and motivated person the night we had our family conference call. Today, I'm not sure where she is - somewhere inside herself. It could be her coping mechanism to deal with the pain. I don't know. This is an article I found that describes hospital psychosis and it fits perfectly with what Mom is experiencing.
Christmas Day -- still @ Presbyterian Hospital Room 586
2011 - Day 26
It feels as if this hospital has become my second home with the many hours as I spend here. My spirit today is not on its natural high because I feel like Mom's not improving as quickly as she could be. I've been here so much that nearly everyone in the hospital recognizes me from the cafe workers to the nursing staff in other departments. Seems everyone but Mom :-( She asked me who I was when I walked in her room and who was that girl with the hat that was with me. Last night she was yelling about the pain in her head - mainly her skull bones on the left side, so I asked her nurse to order an MRI as she cannot even rest that side of her head on the pillow. No MRI done yet....it's Christmas Day so staff is very minimal.
As a bright spot of our Christmas day, we did get a chance to video chat with Christine's family although Mom was in and out of sleepiness. I cannot believe how much her kids are growing up so fast! It was short but fun to visit with them. Chip brought a nice ham dinner by her room and noticed Mom was in and out of reality. Later on after he left, she told me she knew and understood fully that I was tired caring for her and we had a short conversation - I should clarify that it was a reality-based conversation because many of our conversations are not based on what is real but on what she sees. She asked me if she needed a psychiatrist and I explained to her that I was worried because she sees people that are not there. She sees bugs, animals, little babies...then when I tell her they are not real, she gets angry with me. She seemed to grasp that and she said she cannot help what she sees so asked me if someone would come and evaluate her. I told her I'd look into it.
The nurse today was not completely pleasant but rarely was she even around so it did not really matter until it was time for her shift to end. Suddenly I could not get rid of her - I think she was doing some sort of 'catch-up' to ground the next shift in what Mom's needs were. I was agitated when she turned Mom's head really hard to the left - Mom has a lot of arthritis in the left side of her neck and rarely turns it to the left side. This nurse keep saying "she has a crick in her neck was all" and took her head and moved it hard to the left. Mom cried out in pain and I told never to do that again and was barely able to constrain my emotions - Mom has been through enough! She needs better care than to have someone cause her more pain!
I had made a statement that Mom's arm dressing had not been changed today and so she decided she would go ahead and do it, "but no one had told her to." Mom has a horrible, awful wound on her arm from where they harvested that vein. It looks so gross, I have been hesitant to post a picture of it but have been taking snapshots each day to track the progress of it. Something else for the attorney. Really though, I don't know if is getting better; I am hopeful it is improving but not 100% hopeful - it is gross. It causes her the most intense pain when they have to change the dressing and I literally cry each time because she nearly faints from the pain of it. I do not know if this arm will ever heal - it is horrible to look at and her arm always hurts. I asked for the wound care group to come and look at it - nurses have been treating it since the 19th using a spray that smells like bleach, a gel and then a special spongy dressing covering it with a gauze wrap. It does not appear to be improving fast enough and this is another complication we don't need.
I could get on my pity pot and write about how difficult this is for me. But then I go back into my memories and recall what Mom did for us when we were little kids. After my dad died, she worked three jobs and took care of us, never asking for a hand out from anyone including the government. She kept us together body and soul and I feel this is the least I can do. These are difficult days indeed, yet I am simply an observer. Mom is the one dealing with the pain of it all. Being the eternal optimist, I have to look for a silver lining in all this - it's hard to find it though. I am worried about her. Her mental health and her arm are my biggest concerns now.
She has gone through so much and she asks, how can they do this to someone? Indeed - how is right!
It feels as if this hospital has become my second home with the many hours as I spend here. My spirit today is not on its natural high because I feel like Mom's not improving as quickly as she could be. I've been here so much that nearly everyone in the hospital recognizes me from the cafe workers to the nursing staff in other departments. Seems everyone but Mom :-( She asked me who I was when I walked in her room and who was that girl with the hat that was with me. Last night she was yelling about the pain in her head - mainly her skull bones on the left side, so I asked her nurse to order an MRI as she cannot even rest that side of her head on the pillow. No MRI done yet....it's Christmas Day so staff is very minimal.
As a bright spot of our Christmas day, we did get a chance to video chat with Christine's family although Mom was in and out of sleepiness. I cannot believe how much her kids are growing up so fast! It was short but fun to visit with them. Chip brought a nice ham dinner by her room and noticed Mom was in and out of reality. Later on after he left, she told me she knew and understood fully that I was tired caring for her and we had a short conversation - I should clarify that it was a reality-based conversation because many of our conversations are not based on what is real but on what she sees. She asked me if she needed a psychiatrist and I explained to her that I was worried because she sees people that are not there. She sees bugs, animals, little babies...then when I tell her they are not real, she gets angry with me. She seemed to grasp that and she said she cannot help what she sees so asked me if someone would come and evaluate her. I told her I'd look into it.
The nurse today was not completely pleasant but rarely was she even around so it did not really matter until it was time for her shift to end. Suddenly I could not get rid of her - I think she was doing some sort of 'catch-up' to ground the next shift in what Mom's needs were. I was agitated when she turned Mom's head really hard to the left - Mom has a lot of arthritis in the left side of her neck and rarely turns it to the left side. This nurse keep saying "she has a crick in her neck was all" and took her head and moved it hard to the left. Mom cried out in pain and I told never to do that again and was barely able to constrain my emotions - Mom has been through enough! She needs better care than to have someone cause her more pain!
I had made a statement that Mom's arm dressing had not been changed today and so she decided she would go ahead and do it, "but no one had told her to." Mom has a horrible, awful wound on her arm from where they harvested that vein. It looks so gross, I have been hesitant to post a picture of it but have been taking snapshots each day to track the progress of it. Something else for the attorney. Really though, I don't know if is getting better; I am hopeful it is improving but not 100% hopeful - it is gross. It causes her the most intense pain when they have to change the dressing and I literally cry each time because she nearly faints from the pain of it. I do not know if this arm will ever heal - it is horrible to look at and her arm always hurts. I asked for the wound care group to come and look at it - nurses have been treating it since the 19th using a spray that smells like bleach, a gel and then a special spongy dressing covering it with a gauze wrap. It does not appear to be improving fast enough and this is another complication we don't need.
I could get on my pity pot and write about how difficult this is for me. But then I go back into my memories and recall what Mom did for us when we were little kids. After my dad died, she worked three jobs and took care of us, never asking for a hand out from anyone including the government. She kept us together body and soul and I feel this is the least I can do. These are difficult days indeed, yet I am simply an observer. Mom is the one dealing with the pain of it all. Being the eternal optimist, I have to look for a silver lining in all this - it's hard to find it though. I am worried about her. Her mental health and her arm are my biggest concerns now.
She has gone through so much and she asks, how can they do this to someone? Indeed - how is right!
- How can a hospital allow a nurse to neglect her to a point that she falls and breaks her hip?
- How can they allow the skin to become so bad that she cannot stand the pain?
- How can they not treat her as a whole person with the dignity she deserves?
I think our medical industry today treats the thing vs. the human being. One group does physical therapy, another group treats the wound, another the heart, another her infections, another and another. They are focused on one part of the whole and she has to deal with all the parts. I seriously do not know how she can deal with much more. I pray for her healing and that next Christmas will be hugely better.
Saturday, December 24, 2011
Christmas Eve
Best day yet!!
Had to dash as soon as I posted this to take Patti to the airport! We had one of the nurses take our photo and Poor Mom looks like she was in a wreck rather than heart/hip surgery!!
Today she is doing better than she had all week so we are hopeful she is on the path to recovery!!
Best Christmas gift EVER!!!!
Had to dash as soon as I posted this to take Patti to the airport! We had one of the nurses take our photo and Poor Mom looks like she was in a wreck rather than heart/hip surgery!!
Today she is doing better than she had all week so we are hopeful she is on the path to recovery!!
Best Christmas gift EVER!!!!
Friday, December 23, 2011
Minimal progress
It is hard watching and listening to Mom talk craziness. Just now, she was telling me to go get her messy pan. I would know which one because it is messy and take to Chip because he will know what to do. She cries and says I am not doing what she wants me to do. So I try to reason with her and explain she is in the hospital and she fusses at me saying, I KNOW that but you won't listen to me. She lies in bed staring at the ceiling, her mind never stops! But we cannot figure out what she sees and most of the time what she is talking about. Logically, I know this is the residual effects of aneathesia, emotionally it is tough to see her so confused.
Her arm is still very tender. They are wrapping it with a special type of spongy stuff that has antibiotic in it and lightly wrap with gauze. Each movement or slight touch sends ripples of pain shooting through her body.
Her hip is healing beautifully! The pain she has now in that area is muscular. The physical therapists told me that after a hip fracture, the patient is so afraid of movement due to the pain that even after it is fixed, they are afraid to move for fear of pain. So the best thing now is to learn that moving will not cause pain.
She is getting nutition through the IV since she is not staying alert enough to eat. It aggravates me to no end that she is having to suffer so much pain due to one nurse who shirked her duty that night. She was on the mend and now has regressed to the point where she was a week ago. So frustrating!!
Please keep her in your thoughts and the biggest prayer I'd ask for is to get her mind back.
Her arm is still very tender. They are wrapping it with a special type of spongy stuff that has antibiotic in it and lightly wrap with gauze. Each movement or slight touch sends ripples of pain shooting through her body.
Her hip is healing beautifully! The pain she has now in that area is muscular. The physical therapists told me that after a hip fracture, the patient is so afraid of movement due to the pain that even after it is fixed, they are afraid to move for fear of pain. So the best thing now is to learn that moving will not cause pain.
She is getting nutition through the IV since she is not staying alert enough to eat. It aggravates me to no end that she is having to suffer so much pain due to one nurse who shirked her duty that night. She was on the mend and now has regressed to the point where she was a week ago. So frustrating!!
Please keep her in your thoughts and the biggest prayer I'd ask for is to get her mind back.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Post-Surgery #2
Last night I stayed in Mom's room as her post-surgery mindset was a little agitated. She talked through the night, had dreams she was falling, and cried out in pain several times. Her hip bothered her but not nearly as much as before they fixed it. Her arm is what I think is now giving her the most pain. She is down to using extra strength Tylenol for pain, so hopefully tomorrow the anesthesia drugs will have worn off and she will be back to life. It is tough to listen to some of the things she is dreaming about.
Pat will take the night shift - the two of us are pretty tired. But at least it is a slow time of year for me at work and I do not have anything else pressing in my days. We go home and take naps to keep going. My prayer is that over the next week' Mom will improve enough to get into rehab before the first of the year.
Keep her in your thoughts!
Love to all...
Pat will take the night shift - the two of us are pretty tired. But at least it is a slow time of year for me at work and I do not have anything else pressing in my days. We go home and take naps to keep going. My prayer is that over the next week' Mom will improve enough to get into rehab before the first of the year.
Keep her in your thoughts!
Love to all...
Wednesday, December 21, 2011
A bit of levity
We were sitting in Mom's room and she woke up and began to talk about the bird. Pat asked what she was doing and her rely, "oh Patti, don't you remember anything?" Then she said she had to finish this because we were going to honor the bird. Pat was not sure what bird she meant and I said Sunny is home in my office now.
Then she had to find some green boots to go outside, but no one could find the boots. I asked if she needed to improvise and she said well, we'd just go without. I asked what we were going to do and she told us "a thump dance. You know, thump, thump, dance, dance." Pat and I were laughing so hard we were about to pee our pants.
After a little cat nap, she woke up saying, "i don't wear them anymore." we asked what. "Those face masks."
Shw woke up from a deep sleep making a square with her hands saying, "i need a clean pan." when I asked her for what, she said, "I want to wash up." had to laugh as she had had a bath about an hour ago.
During the night she asked Pat for some water, which we have to thicken to keep her from choking in the position she is in. So she points to it and says, "you know what this needs? An egg. now Patti, I know you are as stubborn as I am, but you need to do this. put the stove on at 350 and put an egg in this for the cake."
I will add more as I recall. Mom will probably continue to come up with more funnies as her stay here continues. We enjoy her amusing comments and love laughing with her.
Then she had to find some green boots to go outside, but no one could find the boots. I asked if she needed to improvise and she said well, we'd just go without. I asked what we were going to do and she told us "a thump dance. You know, thump, thump, dance, dance." Pat and I were laughing so hard we were about to pee our pants.
After a little cat nap, she woke up saying, "i don't wear them anymore." we asked what. "Those face masks."
Shw woke up from a deep sleep making a square with her hands saying, "i need a clean pan." when I asked her for what, she said, "I want to wash up." had to laugh as she had had a bath about an hour ago.
During the night she asked Pat for some water, which we have to thicken to keep her from choking in the position she is in. So she points to it and says, "you know what this needs? An egg. now Patti, I know you are as stubborn as I am, but you need to do this. put the stove on at 350 and put an egg in this for the cake."
I will add more as I recall. Mom will probably continue to come up with more funnies as her stay here continues. We enjoy her amusing comments and love laughing with her.
Second Surgery Day
So it was exactly three weeks ago that Mom came into Presbyterian Hospital for open heart surgery and today she will be going in for a hip fracture repair. We never really know what to expect!
Her room is a bustle of activity this morning. I sent Patti home to get a shower and some sleep as she took the night shift last night and it was a restless night for both of them. This morning her INR count was 1.67 which is higher than Dr Vallentine wants for her blood level before surgery so they are giving her 2 bags of fresh frozen plasma (FFP). That juices up her blood and hopefully will get her to the right level. When Mom was up in CVRU, that FFP did the trick to get her body back in good stead.
Her pain is off the charts at times, mainly when they have to move her, which they do with regular frequency to keep her skin on her backside from breaking down. Pat and I have to leave the room when they shift her because we cannot tolerate her screams. She gets really agitated as any of us would lying in bed for days and unable to coherently converse due to the pain meds. Pat and I are compiling some funny things she says as a way to add a little humor to this experience. She still has her sense of humor and now and then, it comes through. I will post a few choice lines we have heard her say so you know this isn't all doom and gloom.
With the many hours spent here, I read all the books in The Twilight Saga so now I am looking for something new to read. Mom's room is starting to look festive with cards! It is about 11:30 and her first bag of FFP has finished and the next one will be coming soon. Hoping it does the trick so she can get this surgery done today and get her back on her feet very soon!!
Her pain is off the charts at times, mainly when they have to move her, which they do with regular frequency to keep her skin on her backside from breaking down. Pat and I have to leave the room when they shift her because we cannot tolerate her screams. She gets really agitated as any of us would lying in bed for days and unable to coherently converse due to the pain meds. Pat and I are compiling some funny things she says as a way to add a little humor to this experience. She still has her sense of humor and now and then, it comes through. I will post a few choice lines we have heard her say so you know this isn't all doom and gloom.
With the many hours spent here, I read all the books in The Twilight Saga so now I am looking for something new to read. Mom's room is starting to look festive with cards! It is about 11:30 and her first bag of FFP has finished and the next one will be coming soon. Hoping it does the trick so she can get this surgery done today and get her back on her feet very soon!!
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Oh such pain...
Monday was a very long day! Patti spent the night and I got to the hospital around 8:30am. Pat had not slept all night as Mom was in terrible pain. Her body has to be shifted regularly to avoid the skin on her buttocks from breaking down. Each move sends shooting pain throughout her body.
Dr. Alexander stopped in and told her to keep her chin up. I heard a nurse talking on the phone about Mom's case. I have contacted the lawyer, but we decided to do nothing until Mom is released so that we do not compromise her care in any way. They took X-rays of her wrist because her hand is really swollen. We thought she could have fractured a bone during the fall, but thankfully all is well bone-wise.
They also did an ultrasound to determine how deep the infection is. It is nasty looking - all red and purple and yellow. And it is painful to the touch so we have to keep her arm elevated. I have been reading about surgical wound infections and not liking what I read.
http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/188988-clinical#a0218
Pat actually talked to Dr. Chan and she said he was not his normal joyful self, very distressed at the turn of events as we all are. Mom has to be kept immobolized or the pain shoots through her. Not the best way to heal after open heart surgery. Between the wound infection and the hip fracture, we are trying our best to get her to eat and keep up her nutritional requirements. We are afraid if she does not eat, her body will be unable to heal from the infection and trauma from the next surgery. The doctors are being very cautious. She has some strikes against her: age is a big factor, ability to fight infection is compromised, immune system has already taken a hit with the open heart surgery.
I have spent the night Monday night here in her room so now it is early Tuesday. The orthopedic surgeon wants to do the surgery today IF her INR is below 1.5, but not too highhly optimistic. More likely it will be tomorrow - that is a number that determines whether the blood thinner is out of her system enough for clotting to occur for the surgery.
Her night was more or less peaceful. She had to be moved during the night and they gave her some dilaudin before doing so. It is unbearable to hear her scream out in pain! She has some interesting dreams. At one point her eyes were wide open and she was looking around the room at people and said, "may I introduce myself? I'm Genie Polm." I had to laugh because I was the only one in the room. She had a dream she was falling and screamed out, "help me! I am falling." when I explained that she was in bed, she looked around her and said oh, but please believe me when I tell you I was falling and it made me want to laugh and cry simultaneously. That is a powerful drug!
Needless to say another day here and we won't know what the day will bring our mom. Please keep her in your prayers. She is a fighter, but the fight is not over yet. She is a super trouper, but I don't know how much strength this one person has!
Dr. Alexander stopped in and told her to keep her chin up. I heard a nurse talking on the phone about Mom's case. I have contacted the lawyer, but we decided to do nothing until Mom is released so that we do not compromise her care in any way. They took X-rays of her wrist because her hand is really swollen. We thought she could have fractured a bone during the fall, but thankfully all is well bone-wise.
A nasty infection!
They also did an ultrasound to determine how deep the infection is. It is nasty looking - all red and purple and yellow. And it is painful to the touch so we have to keep her arm elevated. I have been reading about surgical wound infections and not liking what I read.
http://emedicine.medscape.com/article/188988-clinical#a0218
Pat actually talked to Dr. Chan and she said he was not his normal joyful self, very distressed at the turn of events as we all are. Mom has to be kept immobolized or the pain shoots through her. Not the best way to heal after open heart surgery. Between the wound infection and the hip fracture, we are trying our best to get her to eat and keep up her nutritional requirements. We are afraid if she does not eat, her body will be unable to heal from the infection and trauma from the next surgery. The doctors are being very cautious. She has some strikes against her: age is a big factor, ability to fight infection is compromised, immune system has already taken a hit with the open heart surgery.
I have spent the night Monday night here in her room so now it is early Tuesday. The orthopedic surgeon wants to do the surgery today IF her INR is below 1.5, but not too highhly optimistic. More likely it will be tomorrow - that is a number that determines whether the blood thinner is out of her system enough for clotting to occur for the surgery.
Her night was more or less peaceful. She had to be moved during the night and they gave her some dilaudin before doing so. It is unbearable to hear her scream out in pain! She has some interesting dreams. At one point her eyes were wide open and she was looking around the room at people and said, "may I introduce myself? I'm Genie Polm." I had to laugh because I was the only one in the room. She had a dream she was falling and screamed out, "help me! I am falling." when I explained that she was in bed, she looked around her and said oh, but please believe me when I tell you I was falling and it made me want to laugh and cry simultaneously. That is a powerful drug!
Needless to say another day here and we won't know what the day will bring our mom. Please keep her in your prayers. She is a fighter, but the fight is not over yet. She is a super trouper, but I don't know how much strength this one person has!
Sunday, December 18, 2011
Traction
Traction -- UGH!! The pain must have been excrutiating when they moved her to another bed. The mattress she was on was not conducive to stayng still for so long. So after the guy who built the traction contraption finished and went home, they called him back to take it down and rebuild on a different bed that has an air mattress. Then...the awful part!! Pat and I were asked to leave and we did, but when we got back, they were still in the process of moving her and we heard blood-curdling screams coming from her room. I nearly vomited from the sounds.
Chip and Myrriah came up and we sat and visited for awhile. Mom has been given 1 mg. Of Delaudin and has been out for the day. I decorated the traction contraption with Christmas garland to try and make it look less metallic. But she is so spaced out from the drugs, it probably doesn't really matter. Chip took us out to eat and then Pat went home to shower. She will spend the night with Mom tonight. I will spend tomorrow night since Pat is leaving tomorrow. Mom will probably have the surgery on her hip Tues or Wed.
I have gotten in touch with a lawyer who says he would be happy to help us. I have a feeling the hospital staff will be falling all over us tomorrow! If there is a silver lining to all of this, it will be that Mom's care will be provided for the rest of her days. That is what I am counting on as I made her a promise never to put her into a nursing home.
Chip and Myrriah came up and we sat and visited for awhile. Mom has been given 1 mg. Of Delaudin and has been out for the day. I decorated the traction contraption with Christmas garland to try and make it look less metallic. But she is so spaced out from the drugs, it probably doesn't really matter. Chip took us out to eat and then Pat went home to shower. She will spend the night with Mom tonight. I will spend tomorrow night since Pat is leaving tomorrow. Mom will probably have the surgery on her hip Tues or Wed.
I have gotten in touch with a lawyer who says he would be happy to help us. I have a feeling the hospital staff will be falling all over us tomorrow! If there is a silver lining to all of this, it will be that Mom's care will be provided for the rest of her days. That is what I am counting on as I made her a promise never to put her into a nursing home.
How much more can one woman handle...
I got a call from Presby Hospital at 4 am but did not hear my phone ring. Another call came in at 7:30 from the same nurse. During the night she had helped Mom to the bedside commode and left the room. Mom tried to tend to herself and toppled over and now has a broken hip. I do not know how much more she can take. Between the nasty infection brewing in her arm to this, now she is in such severe pain...
The ortho surgeon came in. Dr Valentine is his name. He says this type of fracture can be helped with surgery - a small incision and a rod placed in her hip will help her actually get back on her feet again. But we have some hurdles to climb. They will need to stop the blood thinner she is on. They need to check that the infection has not gotten into her bloodstream. The next few days are going to be tough on her and she will need pain meds around the clock - any slight movement sends her screaming and writhing in pain.
Send her cards, pictures, anything you can think of to keep her spirits up. This is going to be a real tough road for her. My address is: 11809 Rock Canyon, Charlotte NC 28226
I will hand deliver your notes of encouragement to her hospital room. Please say some prayers as she will need them for the next few weeks. Love to all...
The ortho surgeon came in. Dr Valentine is his name. He says this type of fracture can be helped with surgery - a small incision and a rod placed in her hip will help her actually get back on her feet again. But we have some hurdles to climb. They will need to stop the blood thinner she is on. They need to check that the infection has not gotten into her bloodstream. The next few days are going to be tough on her and she will need pain meds around the clock - any slight movement sends her screaming and writhing in pain.
Send her cards, pictures, anything you can think of to keep her spirits up. This is going to be a real tough road for her. My address is: 11809 Rock Canyon, Charlotte NC 28226
I will hand deliver your notes of encouragement to her hospital room. Please say some prayers as she will need them for the next few weeks. Love to all...
Friday, December 16, 2011
Pizza Party
Such a good day having Pat here with me! Mom was going to be transferred to Rehab today, but they realized that her arm had become infected pretty badly. So, they nixed the rehab transfer and decided to go with an antibiotic drip. They also gave her an appetite stimulant so she will start eating. Pat and I went and got some yummy pizza for lunch and picked up some snacks at the grocery. (I nearly got run over in the parking lot by an insanely rude woman!)
Our biggest concern is her lack of eating. Her soduim level is way down and her white blood cell count is up. But she has one of the best, most personable nurses today. Her name is Shanae and she has taken a liking to Mom. We told her the story of the big tent Mom made and she would like to read Mom's biography - if i ever finish it! She needs to wake up and start being her talkative self again!!
Pat sees a big improvement over the last nine days. It is nine days til Christmas so I am very hopeful that once she is in rehab, an even bigger improvement will be in the cards for her. One of the hospital chaplains came up and prayed and recited the 23rd Psalm with Mom and she seemed to really appreciate that. And of course, Patti and I were blubbering....geesh, we are so emotional! But all in all a pretty good day today.
Our biggest concern is her lack of eating. Her soduim level is way down and her white blood cell count is up. But she has one of the best, most personable nurses today. Her name is Shanae and she has taken a liking to Mom. We told her the story of the big tent Mom made and she would like to read Mom's biography - if i ever finish it! She needs to wake up and start being her talkative self again!!
Pat sees a big improvement over the last nine days. It is nine days til Christmas so I am very hopeful that once she is in rehab, an even bigger improvement will be in the cards for her. One of the hospital chaplains came up and prayed and recited the 23rd Psalm with Mom and she seemed to really appreciate that. And of course, Patti and I were blubbering....geesh, we are so emotional! But all in all a pretty good day today.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Back to the land of the living.....
Well, not for lack of thinking about it, but I haven't blogged an update in a couple of days because I have had to actually get back to work! I have been by Mom's side since her surgery as her cheerleader and communications conduit to the family and feeling strong in my role as her advocate with the doctors. Being my sole supporter now, I have no one else but myself to depend on for my income and I am grateful my company has allowed me to step away for a time. But I need to find my own balance once again.
It feels as though I am on a journey watching Mom fall into the abyss of insanity and feeling unable to help her. They have been giving her a strong dose of Ultram for her pain, which causes hallucinations. She sees people who did not exist and when she asks me who they are, I answer truthfully that they are not really there. She gets infuriated with me and absolutely believes someone is sitting beside her or across the room. I continue to explain to her that the drugs are doing it to her mind. She argues and then cries and then sets her jaw in anger or defiance.
I felt broken on Tuesday afternoon and suffice to say that I had had enough. I am not equipped to handle the mood swings or to see my mother acting like someone I do not know. I came back to my office and spent the afternoon on phone calls with my team. Wednesday was jammed with meetings as well as catching up on work that had been left undone for the last couple of weeks. I finished with meetings around 3 and went uptown to find Mom looking bright eyed but lying in her bed looking out the window. Her nurse said she'd had a good day, had a real shower, walked in the hallway. I decided it had been a good move on my part to leave her the day before as now she has to find her own inner reserves of strength to get well and get moving again.
The Physician's Assistant that works with Dr Chan came by and he said they are tweaking her meds to find the right balance for her heart rhythm. He said whenever she felt ready, she could go to rehab. Then Dr. Chan came in and he said he had been there earlier but she was sleeping. He asked how she was eating and I told him not very well. He also asked if I thought she was ready for rehab and I told him not quite. She needs a few more good days like she had on Wednesday. So maybe through the weekend if we see steady improvement, she'll be ready to transfer early next week. He thinks she is ready to go so it will be a matter of watching her level of improvement over the next few days.
We tried to call her girlfriend, Marcelle but when she left a voice mail, she was talking to Chip! I explained she's leaving a voice mail for Marcelle and not Chip but she got furious with me. I helped her get out of bed to take a stroll in the hallway and she told me she doesn't have any shoes to go on the sidewalk. I told her we were not going outside, just to the hallway and she looked at me like I'm the crazy one. Well, she needs shoes regardless! Ah me!! Patti is flying in late tonight. Mom always brightens up when Pat's around so that will be good for her. I know Pat will see a dramatic improvement from the last visit! One of the things I am pushing for the nurses to do is to stop giving Mom her meds before dinnertime. She gets so sleepy after having drugs that she cannot eat. She hates the food, but we are not Southern so we have never eaten what they eat down here. Her dinner plate Wednesday consisted of chicken and gravy, rice with gravy and a bowl of greens in vinegar. I nearly puked when I lifted the lid on her dish. So I told her I'd go down to the cafe and get her a salad - ran into an issue there. The cafe was hosting an employee appreciation dinner. I nearly croaked when I saw what they were serving- ham slices swimming in maple syrup, yams covered in an inch of marshmallow, green beans slathered in bacon grease - yuk!! I had to walk away. No way would I ever put that much sugar in my system in one meal! And to think this is a hospital? Do they really want to make Americans fat so they end up there? I'd think people in the medical profession would want to put themselves out of a job by helping Americans improve our eating habits. A lady who was stocking the shelves with yogurt and salad told me that's what people who work there expect in a holiday dinner. Really? Needless to say, I got her a salad in a box, but by the time I got back upstairs the drugs had kicked in and she was too sleepy to eat. She saw something scoot across the floor and I said no there is no mouse, just the drugs playing with her mind. She then asked me if the lady in the room would be eating with us. No Mom, she already ate - sometimes it seems if I just play along with her mind games, she doesn't get so angry. But I hate doing it! She had a little salad and some Glucerna and I tucked her into bed. Back when she was in the coronary care unit, Sandy and Pat and I bought her a musical bear and she asked me to take it out of her room. She said that dog is driving her crazy looking at her all the time. I'm not sure what that's about!
A new day is dawning and I have lots of work to do. After work, I'll go uptown to see how she is doing and then go to the airport to pick up Pat. Hoping today brings a better day for her!
It feels as though I am on a journey watching Mom fall into the abyss of insanity and feeling unable to help her. They have been giving her a strong dose of Ultram for her pain, which causes hallucinations. She sees people who did not exist and when she asks me who they are, I answer truthfully that they are not really there. She gets infuriated with me and absolutely believes someone is sitting beside her or across the room. I continue to explain to her that the drugs are doing it to her mind. She argues and then cries and then sets her jaw in anger or defiance.
I felt broken on Tuesday afternoon and suffice to say that I had had enough. I am not equipped to handle the mood swings or to see my mother acting like someone I do not know. I came back to my office and spent the afternoon on phone calls with my team. Wednesday was jammed with meetings as well as catching up on work that had been left undone for the last couple of weeks. I finished with meetings around 3 and went uptown to find Mom looking bright eyed but lying in her bed looking out the window. Her nurse said she'd had a good day, had a real shower, walked in the hallway. I decided it had been a good move on my part to leave her the day before as now she has to find her own inner reserves of strength to get well and get moving again.
The Physician's Assistant that works with Dr Chan came by and he said they are tweaking her meds to find the right balance for her heart rhythm. He said whenever she felt ready, she could go to rehab. Then Dr. Chan came in and he said he had been there earlier but she was sleeping. He asked how she was eating and I told him not very well. He also asked if I thought she was ready for rehab and I told him not quite. She needs a few more good days like she had on Wednesday. So maybe through the weekend if we see steady improvement, she'll be ready to transfer early next week. He thinks she is ready to go so it will be a matter of watching her level of improvement over the next few days.
We tried to call her girlfriend, Marcelle but when she left a voice mail, she was talking to Chip! I explained she's leaving a voice mail for Marcelle and not Chip but she got furious with me. I helped her get out of bed to take a stroll in the hallway and she told me she doesn't have any shoes to go on the sidewalk. I told her we were not going outside, just to the hallway and she looked at me like I'm the crazy one. Well, she needs shoes regardless! Ah me!! Patti is flying in late tonight. Mom always brightens up when Pat's around so that will be good for her. I know Pat will see a dramatic improvement from the last visit! One of the things I am pushing for the nurses to do is to stop giving Mom her meds before dinnertime. She gets so sleepy after having drugs that she cannot eat. She hates the food, but we are not Southern so we have never eaten what they eat down here. Her dinner plate Wednesday consisted of chicken and gravy, rice with gravy and a bowl of greens in vinegar. I nearly puked when I lifted the lid on her dish. So I told her I'd go down to the cafe and get her a salad - ran into an issue there. The cafe was hosting an employee appreciation dinner. I nearly croaked when I saw what they were serving- ham slices swimming in maple syrup, yams covered in an inch of marshmallow, green beans slathered in bacon grease - yuk!! I had to walk away. No way would I ever put that much sugar in my system in one meal! And to think this is a hospital? Do they really want to make Americans fat so they end up there? I'd think people in the medical profession would want to put themselves out of a job by helping Americans improve our eating habits. A lady who was stocking the shelves with yogurt and salad told me that's what people who work there expect in a holiday dinner. Really? Needless to say, I got her a salad in a box, but by the time I got back upstairs the drugs had kicked in and she was too sleepy to eat. She saw something scoot across the floor and I said no there is no mouse, just the drugs playing with her mind. She then asked me if the lady in the room would be eating with us. No Mom, she already ate - sometimes it seems if I just play along with her mind games, she doesn't get so angry. But I hate doing it! She had a little salad and some Glucerna and I tucked her into bed. Back when she was in the coronary care unit, Sandy and Pat and I bought her a musical bear and she asked me to take it out of her room. She said that dog is driving her crazy looking at her all the time. I'm not sure what that's about!
A new day is dawning and I have lots of work to do. After work, I'll go uptown to see how she is doing and then go to the airport to pick up Pat. Hoping today brings a better day for her!
Monday, December 12, 2011
Monday Monday
Got here around 8:30 (traffic was a bear!!) and greeted Mom in French. I was practicing in the car on the way up - When I said Bonjour, she replied in French. So we had a nice greeting and she promptly fell asleep. She had a nice chair bath and hair washed. Dr. Chan was in before I got here this morning but she told me between her cat naps that he was being very funny. Her nurse today is very Southern and seems whenever she comes in the room and starts yakking, Mom dozes off. Not sure if it is an escape mechanism but I'd do it too because her voice is really irritating.
So anyway, Mom woke up in a lot of pain this morning and they gave her some Ultram. Since then she's been asleep in her recliner chair but sitting up, not reclining. She wakes up on occasion and says stuff like, "no wonder your hair is so blonde," or "who is hosting us?" and I have no idea what she's referencing from her dreams. She continues to see her little kids - they might be her imaginary friends from childhood. She says they are dressed in old-fashioned clothes and they jump a lot. The jumping drives her crazy. She never sees their faces. You might think it is very peculiar, but I think these imaginary friends got her through some rough times when she was a kid and maybe her mind is bringing them back because she is going through more rough times now.
I wish she would eat more. She cannot stand the food here - very Southern style cooking. They are letting her eat as much as she wants to try and fatten her up. Boost is too sweet she says. They brought her some Gatorade fruit punch this morning and she liked it. She has been too sleepy to eat her breakfast and try the Glucerna. So I sit and watch her heart monitor and listen to her snore. Her heart is still in afib and the numbers jump between the 50s and the 70s. Not good - they are talking about putting her on a pacemaker to keep it steady. Her blood pressure is good, though. We are concerned about her throat and swallowing and speech pathologist has been assessing her. She can't seem to get enough to drink!
If anything changes, I'll blog some more. Send some comments so I can keep her spirits up. I let her know who is asking about her each day. She gets to the point where the days all flow into each other here in the hospital.
Sweet Aside
There have been seven babies born this morning, even a set of twins! Each time a baby is born, the hospital plays Braham's Lullabye, which I think is so sweet. When twins are born, they play it twice in a row so you know. Haven't heard triplets yet!!
So anyway, Mom woke up in a lot of pain this morning and they gave her some Ultram. Since then she's been asleep in her recliner chair but sitting up, not reclining. She wakes up on occasion and says stuff like, "no wonder your hair is so blonde," or "who is hosting us?" and I have no idea what she's referencing from her dreams. She continues to see her little kids - they might be her imaginary friends from childhood. She says they are dressed in old-fashioned clothes and they jump a lot. The jumping drives her crazy. She never sees their faces. You might think it is very peculiar, but I think these imaginary friends got her through some rough times when she was a kid and maybe her mind is bringing them back because she is going through more rough times now.
I wish she would eat more. She cannot stand the food here - very Southern style cooking. They are letting her eat as much as she wants to try and fatten her up. Boost is too sweet she says. They brought her some Gatorade fruit punch this morning and she liked it. She has been too sleepy to eat her breakfast and try the Glucerna. So I sit and watch her heart monitor and listen to her snore. Her heart is still in afib and the numbers jump between the 50s and the 70s. Not good - they are talking about putting her on a pacemaker to keep it steady. Her blood pressure is good, though. We are concerned about her throat and swallowing and speech pathologist has been assessing her. She can't seem to get enough to drink!
If anything changes, I'll blog some more. Send some comments so I can keep her spirits up. I let her know who is asking about her each day. She gets to the point where the days all flow into each other here in the hospital.
Sweet Aside
There have been seven babies born this morning, even a set of twins! Each time a baby is born, the hospital plays Braham's Lullabye, which I think is so sweet. When twins are born, they play it twice in a row so you know. Haven't heard triplets yet!!
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Rested but a-fibbing
Morning
Mom had a pretty good night. She had a little pain and got some pain meds so the crazy talk started up again. But the next couple hours have been quiet. I moved her chair so she can look out into the sunshine and blue sky which seems to lift her spirits. She is watching Joel Osteen and she is coming back to life. Nurse asst. giving her a bath in her chair. She is asking when she will get a real bath, but she is still too weak. She actually walked out ino the hallway - maybe 10 feet!!!
Afternoon
Lunch was tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwich, soup ended up in her lap and she had only 1/2 the sandwich....they are talking about putting the feeding tube back in since she is not getting enough nutrition by eating. Her heart has been fibrillating a lot, mostly on the low side. Nurse seems worried they have not found the right balance of meds to adjust the a-fib. She will be moving to an acute rehab when released...not sure when, but the assessment is tomorrow. If her pain would subside, she could flush the pain meds and have more clarity of mind.
Mom had a pretty good night. She had a little pain and got some pain meds so the crazy talk started up again. But the next couple hours have been quiet. I moved her chair so she can look out into the sunshine and blue sky which seems to lift her spirits. She is watching Joel Osteen and she is coming back to life. Nurse asst. giving her a bath in her chair. She is asking when she will get a real bath, but she is still too weak. She actually walked out ino the hallway - maybe 10 feet!!!
Afternoon
Lunch was tomato soup and grilled cheese sandwich, soup ended up in her lap and she had only 1/2 the sandwich....they are talking about putting the feeding tube back in since she is not getting enough nutrition by eating. Her heart has been fibrillating a lot, mostly on the low side. Nurse seems worried they have not found the right balance of meds to adjust the a-fib. She will be moving to an acute rehab when released...not sure when, but the assessment is tomorrow. If her pain would subside, she could flush the pain meds and have more clarity of mind.
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Restless Night
Spent the night in room with Mom and it is a wonder she gets any sleep! Every two hours the nurse comes in either to take her blood pressure, temperature, blood, etc. Around 3 this morning, Mom was getting up and going for a walk down the hall very determined to go to the bathroom! She had tugged on her catheter enough that the nurse had to pull it. Then she was up every hour to go. I do not feel rested, but she is still sleeping sort of cattywankers sideays in the bed with her head on the bar and her feet dangling off the other side.
She spent a good bit of time talking jibberish through the night. I would pick up words i recognized, but most of her talk was incomprehensible. She has drifted off now after being in the recliner all morning. The nurses decided to just let her sleep off the Benadryl. Doc ordered a sitter but none are available so here I sit. She tends to wake up and decide to walk - in her unstable state, she could easily fall! She is a hoot when she starts talking. I have no idea what she was saying but she talked up a storm until 3! I downoaded some books to read so i am not climbing the walls. An afternoon nap sounds pretty good so hoping Chip will come by and take sitter duty for a bit.
She spent a good bit of time talking jibberish through the night. I would pick up words i recognized, but most of her talk was incomprehensible. She has drifted off now after being in the recliner all morning. The nurses decided to just let her sleep off the Benadryl. Doc ordered a sitter but none are available so here I sit. She tends to wake up and decide to walk - in her unstable state, she could easily fall! She is a hoot when she starts talking. I have no idea what she was saying but she talked up a storm until 3! I downoaded some books to read so i am not climbing the walls. An afternoon nap sounds pretty good so hoping Chip will come by and take sitter duty for a bit.
Friday, December 9, 2011
Horrible Night
Mom had a horrendous night, filled with halluncinations and fear. She thought she was in a theatre at the hospital and they forced her to sit and watch a Fred Astaire movie. When it was over, they made her watch a second one with Esther Williams until 4:30 and she cried and cried when I got here. The nurse was looking into getting a sitter but i told her i would stay tonight. It seems the nights are her toughest time - all the drugs in her system are creating confusion.she said her doctor came in and combed her hair and said he likes everything put away. She is telling me that little boys play tennis. She is calling for Auntie, talking about neighbors she had when she lived with Auntie in NH, specifically one big boy who chased her and she was afraid of. She talks about playing in the pool and she has to get up to go out to the pool. She thinks she is laying on the ground....everything is foreign to her.
She finally got her chest tubes out so now they can get her off the paon meds she has been on for a week. The nurses just gave her a bath, changed her sheets and gown and she is off to sleep. Her nurse today is so sweet and is working to help get Mom re-oriented after being in icu so long. She said this happens sometimes and it should pass....
More to blog soon. I asked for a report of all the drugs she has had -
She finally got her chest tubes out so now they can get her off the paon meds she has been on for a week. The nurses just gave her a bath, changed her sheets and gown and she is off to sleep. Her nurse today is so sweet and is working to help get Mom re-oriented after being in icu so long. She said this happens sometimes and it should pass....
More to blog soon. I asked for a report of all the drugs she has had -
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Step-Down Unit
Mom was moved last night to the fifth floor into what is called step-down care. When i got to her room this morning, she said they took out her tubes - but they haven't yet. She said her blood pressure is really high, but it is 122/59. So i'm not sure what is going on. She is right near the nurses station so it is possible she is overhearing conversations of other patients. She keeps groaning so i will go look for some breakfast for her now.
What a wild ride she has had in the last 12 hours! The night nurse made her sleep on her left side, which is extremely painful for her. Her rotator cuff was injured in the accident in Massachusetts several years ago and has never stopped causing pain when she lies on her left side, not to mention the broken rib she got in September. I raised some Cain with the day nurse and the doctor who came in. Now all day she is suffering from having been forced to sleep on her sore spots. Plus, we had ordered oatmeal for her breakfast and opened her plate to find eggs and hash browns. I waited for him to come back with her oatmeal and he never did, so i went down to the cafe and got it myself and raised some more Cain down there!
Finally Mom had her breakfast and started coming back alive. Without a good night's sleep, she is not doing well. The Physical Therapists (PT) came in and I shoo'd them out. Patient Relations came in and interviewed her about her night situation. Mom said she likes grapes after her breakfast and the lady brought in a beautiful plate of grapes! Then another nurse brought in some info on cardiac rehab for later when she is better. She will get to take 36 classes that consist of education, exercise and psychological counseling. That will be a great experience for her.
Her day nurse today is Patty and she came in and switched out her chest tubes that were flowing into one. She separated them to see where the most fluid is coming from. We keep hoping they can take those awful tubes out soon, but have to wait for the drainage to diminish. They cause a burning pain where they are in her chest. It is about 11am and she is taking a cat nap now. Soon Patty will be in to give her a bath and change her linens and get Mom sitting in a chair, maybe PT will be back to get her to take a few steps. I think getting her up and moving around will get the kinks out from her lousy night.
All in all, having gone through major surgery only a week ago, she is doing really well!
What a wild ride she has had in the last 12 hours! The night nurse made her sleep on her left side, which is extremely painful for her. Her rotator cuff was injured in the accident in Massachusetts several years ago and has never stopped causing pain when she lies on her left side, not to mention the broken rib she got in September. I raised some Cain with the day nurse and the doctor who came in. Now all day she is suffering from having been forced to sleep on her sore spots. Plus, we had ordered oatmeal for her breakfast and opened her plate to find eggs and hash browns. I waited for him to come back with her oatmeal and he never did, so i went down to the cafe and got it myself and raised some more Cain down there!
Finally Mom had her breakfast and started coming back alive. Without a good night's sleep, she is not doing well. The Physical Therapists (PT) came in and I shoo'd them out. Patient Relations came in and interviewed her about her night situation. Mom said she likes grapes after her breakfast and the lady brought in a beautiful plate of grapes! Then another nurse brought in some info on cardiac rehab for later when she is better. She will get to take 36 classes that consist of education, exercise and psychological counseling. That will be a great experience for her.
Her day nurse today is Patty and she came in and switched out her chest tubes that were flowing into one. She separated them to see where the most fluid is coming from. We keep hoping they can take those awful tubes out soon, but have to wait for the drainage to diminish. They cause a burning pain where they are in her chest. It is about 11am and she is taking a cat nap now. Soon Patty will be in to give her a bath and change her linens and get Mom sitting in a chair, maybe PT will be back to get her to take a few steps. I think getting her up and moving around will get the kinks out from her lousy night.
All in all, having gone through major surgery only a week ago, she is doing really well!
Wednesday, December 7, 2011
First Post
Grammy is recovering well from heart surgery and will be in hospital for a while. To help her heal and stay positive, we can use this blog to remimisce about her life stories, upload pictures, and generally keep her spirit up. Dr Alexander said the family is critical to her recovery over the next few weeks.
I will continue updating her status here rather than posting on her group email because we are also going to use this to plan her 90th birthday bash!! We would like to do that in June this year at Pat's house in Bow because it will be better to get together in the summertime rather than winter. So put the date on your calendar and make your summer plans now!
When:
JUNE 30,2012
Where:
Pat's house
Page Rd
Bow, NH
Pat's backyard is big and flat so we can play croquet and badminton and set up a tent for eating and do a big BBQ. We would like to get every grandchild and great grandchild there so we can take a picture with her surrounded by her progeny! We can also put together a book of fun memories using this blog. All ideas are welcome to make this event the best it can be. So start posting :-)
I will continue updating her status here rather than posting on her group email because we are also going to use this to plan her 90th birthday bash!! We would like to do that in June this year at Pat's house in Bow because it will be better to get together in the summertime rather than winter. So put the date on your calendar and make your summer plans now!
When:
JUNE 30,2012
Where:
Pat's house
Page Rd
Bow, NH
Pat's backyard is big and flat so we can play croquet and badminton and set up a tent for eating and do a big BBQ. We would like to get every grandchild and great grandchild there so we can take a picture with her surrounded by her progeny! We can also put together a book of fun memories using this blog. All ideas are welcome to make this event the best it can be. So start posting :-)
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