Ah, spring!!

Haven't been blogging much at all lately given the gorgeous weather this spring!! I took the snap above at Freedom Park here in town - that's Penny in the foreground. All the blooming trees are in full bud. Our weather has been glorious!

I took this shot thinking it would be fun to paint, but bridges are difficult, not to mention painting reflections so I just use it as my iPhone wallpaper. LoL

Earlier this spring, Dave & Juliet came down to Charlotte for a quick visit. Leo sure is a cute kid. Yeah, I know I"m partial but look at this face! What's not to love?!!

We all went to McDonalds' together and while Dave & Juliet hung out and talked, Leo and I crawled up inside the play tubes - yes, you read that right! I crawled up and inside them!!! We had a blast together.


Last week Pat & Bob came down and we did quite a bit of work around the house and organized a last-minute yard sale. We had a good time despite the drizzle and actually made some money! I am getting some more stuff organized to have another sale. Mainly books and CDs and a few other things that did not sell and hasn't gone to Goodwill yet. Lightening my load for sure!

SO with spring upon us and the days brighter and longer, my spirit is beginning to lift. The winter wasn't a bad one considering we had few hard frosts. I feel like I have been a cocoon and the next few months are time for change. I am working on my finances and taking a class called Financial Peace University at church. The class is part of Dave Ramsey's world and I'm seeing things differently and taking more control of my spending. It never dawned on me that every dollar that I make should have a job!

Another area I am looking to change is where I am living. This place is too big, too costly, lousy maintenance and so I'm looking at where I'll land in May when my lease is up. It's tough! I would like to leave Charlotte and really have the option to live anywhere. But moving is costly and so to save costs, I'll stick around here and find a less expensive space, save my money for the next few years, get out of debt completely in about four years and then look for a small house to buy. Hopefully by then all the junk of my past will be done, healed, fixed, etc. and the next chapter will begin. I'm ready.

I moved some furniture around and a table slid across my left wrist and it sliced off some skin. For the last couple of days, I've been slathering 3-in-1 ointment on it and putting a bandaid on it but it has been hurting like crazy! So I found that honey wrap that I had bought for Mom. I can only imagine how awful her arm must have hurt there at the end!!! Just this little spot about 3"x2" has been driving me crazy - it was her entire arm!! It must have been just awful living with that pain and agony. Well, I stuck this honey wrap on my arm and voila! It actually stopped the pain and the itching. I wish the hospital had let me use it on her arm. It would have helped speed up the healing process in her arm. I found some pictures from January and  seeing them again just grossed me out. I cannot blame her for jumping out of her body! I would have left this earthly realm to go get some freedom from the pain and agony. I still miss her like crazy but life is moving forward.

I hope this finds all of you well -- that is anyone who might still get notifications when I post something!! It's been too nice to be inside much so I've been out walking Penny twice a day and riding my bike. Maybe I'll eventually get some of this weight off too! That would be a boon for the spirit!! ;-) Hey you guys can post on here too by the way -

Weekend

Oh me oh my oh! What to do with a three day weekend when you are all alone? I thought about going to the beach but it is supposed to rain. No fun! So I think I will work on digitizing pictures from negatives -- certainly a good project to fill time and I will post on shutterfly. That way any of you can pick and choose which ones you like best. It is a slow process because I have to find the nuggets and can save only 12 at a time. But i will get them posted.

Had a good weekend last week with my favorite grandson in the world! Leo is talking a lot! He loves to repeat what we say -- so cute!! He was a little afraid of Penny at first but began to warm up to her. I am so glad to have Penny home -- not sure, but I think she was neglected. She had fleas and flea bites all over her. She also has a cowering attitude and seems nervous whenever I reach to pet her. I have been keeping her calm - won't let her stay in the yard alone to keep her from barking too much. She has started to get her prance back.

Sandy was supposed to come down to Charlotte, but she closed her car door and messed up her thumb and taking percoset so naturally cannot drive down here.

So now it is Monday and I have been digitizing pictures all weekend. I'm trying to decide where to house them as I'm sure these hundreds of photos are going to max my hard drive soon! I will post some here and link to wherever -- thinking shutterfly or picasa but not sure how much free space I can get! Some of the images are dusty and scratched -- wish I could figure out what software could remove all that. I have photoshop but really not savvy on how to use it. I have spent hours just getting them saved and there are lots left to digitize.

So here goes with my first one!

I am guessing around 1955 since Patti isn't in the picture.

A Month Already?!!

It has been been a month and a couple of days since Mom died and each day gets a little easier, but I doubt this irritability and sadness will lift any time soon. Given the weather these past few weeks, it just feels gray all over. Oh sorry, not a great way to start my blog post for the day, but I'm not sure anyone is even reading this anymore. Writing is just a good way for me to bear my soul and it so happens this is out there for the family to read. I hope you'll bear with me as I rant.

I have to get out of this house!!! Everything reminds me of Mom. There are pictures and papers and stuff sitting aorund that I want to ask her about and I can't! Does death make one question one's faith? It seems like I've been seeking a sign that she is alright, in a better place, happy and dancing and care free. Death is just is so final! We can't hear her voice or hear her laugh anymore. I feel like this big huge hole is open in my life. Maybe while I was caring for her, I did not really deal with the end of my marriage and now I'm alone and having to deal with both sets of sad situations. I don't know, but I so wish I knew instead of just believed she is in a good place. Faith is believing right? So I suppose I just have to believe and trust and leave it at that. Still though...some kind of a sign would be nice to let me feel ok that she is ok.

Work has been super busy with a new version of SharePoint finally being implemented and I'm on point to learn the darn thing before everyone else does. Lots of hours spent banging head against desk wondering how things are supposed to work now. Just gotta love how we get so comfortable in our applications and the software vendor decides to arbitrarily reposition items on the screen. One button that I use about 90,000 times a day was on the right side off the screen is now on the left side - ugh! Plus working between two versions and trying to design pages in both is excruciatingly difficult! Sad to say my eyeballs are tired at the end of the work day. But not nearly as tired as Christine with her crew and pink eye and shingles - poor thing!

So there are my rants for the week! I'm really not going off the deep end - I have a grandson coming to visit this weekend! Pictures will be posted ;-) I invited Chip & Myrriah and David and Leanne and kids up to visit this weekend for a light lunch and good conversation. Should be fun! Sandy will be coming down to do some Mary Kay work in Charlotte in the next couple of weeks. She is always a delight! Plus, my friends in Dallas have invited me to come visit them. My friend Anil made an interesting point when I told him I was planning to move. He asked whether I was going to stay in Charlotte and I told him no, but have not decided where to go yet. I have ruled out Florida cuz the drivers are too chaotic! So he said Dallas is a good place smack dab in the middle of the country and it wouldn't be so far to go to see family on either coast - east or west. It got me thinking and looking and surprisingly rental prices there are very reasonable. I may end up there, who knows! I'll check it out when I go visit and see what I see. I always liked Texas. At one time my friends in San Antonio told me I qualified as a born again Texan because I lived there more than five years. Hahahah!!!

So all is well - sort of. It will get better. Everyone says so! I am just very determined to learn to live with this grief and not fall on the crutch of anti-depressants. That is how I dealt with my marriage breaking down and I won't go there again. Sandy was the one who showed me that 250mg of any kind of a drug was a bad thing. I've kicked it and won't go back! But a small glass of wine never hurts ;-)

Great Weekend

We had sunshine on Saturday and rain on Sunday here in Miami and so we spent our first day of the weekend at the beach. It was in the upper 70s and the water was about the same temperature so it felt quite refreshing to us at first. But after getting used to it, it felt great. We went to South Beach otherwise known as SoBe here and the beaches are broad - we think they paved it and put sand on top because it doesn't feel like a normal beach. We saw lots of planes flying over us with their advertising banners trailing behind and big cruise ships setting out to sea. All that added to the overt commercialization of what has become SoBe. I find this city to be a big hustle place; it is so fast paced and everyone is in a hurry to get somewhere. It's not my kind of place to live albeit great to visit in January!

I thought a lot about Mom all day since it was her birthday. I puzzled over why she would leave such a nice climate to head north into ice and snow. But then she hated living down here. Some folks describe the summer time as a bug-infested swamp and that's probably how she felt about living here. This time of year is not so bad but I imagine in the summer, the mosquitoes and gnats and crawly creatures are unbelieveable.

We got lots of rays and started to turn pink so we left the beach in search of refreshment. We found all the restaurants along Ocean Dr. are out to sway you with their people handing out advertising postcards. But they don't just hand it to you, they try to coerce you to come into their particular establishment with cheap drinks and then the food is way overpriced. You have to walk through all these restaurants because the tables are on either side of the sidewalk and so you are walking what amounts to inside each of the restaurants. We meandered along this walk for about twenty restaurants that all began to look like one another after awhile, except for the different colored umbrellas over their tables so we turned back to where we had started. We found a nice spot on the upstairs deck at Wet Willie's where we had a couple of drinks overlooking the entrance to the beach area. I could see kids playing volleyball in the sand and watched a policeman engage with several folks who looked like they'd already had more than their share of the cheap drinks along the restaurant walk. We met some stupid guys from Massachusetts who had just flown into town. Not our types so we paid our bill and headed back out to the beach. Kelly made a sand angel and we both went back in the water for a last swim of the day. We watched some more cruise ships sail out to sea and took pictures of people with their cameras. As the sun set, we both agreed we'd felt like we had been on vacation all day.

We woke up Sunday to dark clouds and forecast of rain so we headed out to Lincoln Road Mall which is an outside mall. We stopped for coffee but I got a fresh squeezed OJ and then we walked the mall twice and had a late breakfast of poached eggs on a portabella mushroom with slices of tomato and aspargus spears - the tomatoes here are like from our garden! And the OJ is like nothing else in the world - so delicious! The center of the mall has lots of palm trees - really high ones. It is a gathering spot for wild parrots. It's unreal to see tons of green birds flitting from tree to tree. Pretty neat.

Overall, it was a nice relaxing Weekend. Had to get back to work today. I cannot believe tomorrow is my last day here! I will not enjoy the return to the cold 30s!!!

Fabulous Miami

I would tell anyone who hates the cold to come to south Florida during the winter months! It is especially beautiful to experience palm trees and blue skies and 77 degrees when you know back home there is ice, rain or snow and cold temperatures. I landed in Ft Lauderdale Tuesday and it was a balmy day and we drove from the airport to her store in Boca -- Nordstrom is upscale and fits right in with the lifestyle there. It is exciting to watch Kelly in action. She really knows her job and has great social skills - I'm so proud to be her mom.

We were at the gas station when I got a call from Pam. Those of you who were at my house after Mom passed away may remember her; she took Penny in after she ran into her and caused Mom to fall. Well, Pam told me that her dog Isis is fighting a lot because Pam is getting closer to Penny and she's jealous. So she asked if I would take Penny back. Would I?!! Absolutely!! So as soon a I get home, I'll bring my pup back home. I am so happy.

Tomorrow would have been Mom's 89th birthday and it makes me sad to think she did not get to finish the things she wanted to do. But, our lives are divinely measured and we never know the date we are to leave the earth. I still find myself surprised that Mom is gone and many times have wanted to tell her about something I see or think and I can't. I suppose that will stay with me a long time because I spent 57 years on this earth and she was always here. I'll miss her til the day I die.

But I'm not stuck in the grief. I'm moving on and my joie de vivre is returning being in the sunny state of Florida. Don't be surprised if I decide to move here. Mom may have hated it here, but I love the sunshine and the blue skies, the palm trees and ocean breezes. So far, I haven't seen any bugs but it is winter so maybe they are in hiding ;-) LOL I went for a walk to Starbucks this morning and it was quite warm but I'm not complaining! It is beautiful in Coral Gables which was one of the first planned communities in the country back in the 20s! The streets are broad; there are stately Mediterranean homes, Banyan trees, and tropical foliage that is in bloom even in January. Most of the houses are stucco with red-tiled roofs and painted tan or cream and everything ties together so lovely. She really has the best view on the top floor of a high rise condo building and only a few blocks from the Miracle Mile, which is the restaurant and shopping district.

We are taking off for the weekend to hit the beach. Hoping it doesn't rain - but even if it does, I'm happy to be here. It really has been good to get out of town even though I am working. I feel happier than I've felt in a very long time. Keep warm my yankee family!

Why posts have slowed down

Well, life is moving on. I had a nice weekend - my neighbors got together and had a dinner in memory of Mom. There were seven of us total and it was really very nice. They lit a candle in the center of the table in memory of Mom. It brought a tear to my eyes. We all held hands to say grace and by then I was really tearing up! Dinner was great - homemade potato salad which Mom would have loved! Baked ham and chicken, beans and side veges of brussel sprouts and a dish of green beans and carrots. For desert, home baked apple pie with vanilla bean ice cream. All around a dinner that was delicious and very good company. We talked lots about Mom and her last days. It felt like the start of the healing process for me personally.
I have had a recurring dream for the last five nights and decided to investigate what it is all about. I am walking with Patti and Christine climbing up a hill in a city. Not sure what city, but we get to a church with a carved, wooden door. The church appears to be old and all the pews inside are carved in the most beautiful design. The alter has a huge stained glass window. And what's really funny is there is a big video screen instead of the altar and the minister is sitting up front watching the video. I am fuzzy on what is on the screen but he doesn't even see us when we walk in. So I looked up a dream interpretation in my favorite dream site and it is usually spot on when I look up my dreams.

• To dream that you are inside a church suggests that you are seeking for spiritual enlightenment and guidance. You are looking to be uplifted in some way. .... the dream may also mean that you are questioning and debating your life path and where it is leading. You are reevaluating what you want to do.

Now that is amazing! I am essentially in that spot in life! Looking to be uplifted, evaluating what I want to do next, re-inventing myself, creating a life I want for the next chapter. Things feel a little empty right now with an empty house with no Mom, no hubby, no kids. But I won't stay on my pity pot about it. I am running (or attempting to!!) and the exercise is good. Hoping to participate in a 10k with Kelly this spring.

I will figure things out and life will fill up again. Right now I am allowing the quiet to permeate my soul. I'm in the office now more and more - today because I was sort of forced into it when I woke to no internet service. I'll figure out what to do next and I'll blog about it. Get ready for some visits! I have lots of vacation days and really hoping this June will be our first annual family get together.

Some Pictures

I had never seen this photo til today. Mom and

her sister Margaret in Centerville, NH 1939

Amazing!

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This is Mom at UNH in 1942.

Lee was her roommate and Nicky

was her boyfriend.

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Here is Mom on 4th of July 1947 at Tahiti Beach, FL

That's Bob at 1 year old. Mom was 24.

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This was also in Miami on the steps of our house in 1948

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Here she is pregnant with Freddie so Bob was about 4 1/2.

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This was taken at "The Tepfers" in Miami.

The back of the photo reads

Bobby - 4/12

Niels - 3 weeks

Mommy - 28 yrs

Taken in March 1951.

Did Mom name Freddy Niels? That was his middle name so I'm thinking maybe they started out calling him that to differeniate from my dad -- but I never knew!! Mom is about the same age in this shot as Kelly is now! What a smile!

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A little later in time - 1955 probably in Walpole.

That's me in Mom's lap on the right.

On her right is Nana Magnuson and Bobby

behind her. Freddie and Grampa are blurred.

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The back of this one reads: "Bobby took this picture of Mom."

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Looks like Bob doesn't like this haircut much!

Looks like the yard at Aunt Helen's house in Bellingham.

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This one makes me smile. The back reads: "More wash?"

Backyard in Miami.

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Mom always seemed to be surrounded by kids. :)

Pete, Mom, Bobby & Herky

neighborhood kids in Miami

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Mom always had the best legs.

She is helping Bobby out of the car circa 1947.

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Here's Bobby and Daddy

at Aunt Helen's house in

Bellingham, MA

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This is the home of Nana & Grampa Magnuson

(Hilda and Conrad)

Walpole, Massachusetts

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In the back with Mom is Cousin Judy and Uncle Bob

In front Daddy, Bobby, Freddie Cousin Lee and Nana

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"Happy New Year"

Cousins Judy & Bob

Judy - 5 yrs 9 mos

Bobby - 2 yrs 9 mos

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This is such a cute shot of Freddie picking a mango in Miami.

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I hope you have all enjoyed this walk down Memory Lane. There are LOTS of shots of Bobby being the first kid. But I love all these old photographs. Some are in pretty bad shape so I'm glad we have the technology today to digitize them and save them for posterity.  Lots of love in these pictures.